Lost Girl

Alone

Lost.

She heard people whisper that word behind her back, wherever she goes. On Jakku? The Resistance base? And everywhere thereafter.

She wondered if perhaps it was written on her back somewhere or if it was just a look in her eyes that everyone understood that she simply couldn't hide. Undoubtedly, though, did she always feel lost.

Or perhaps abandoned is a better word.

She refused to believe it on Jakku. She kept looking up at the sky, watching the stars twinkle lazily, keeping an eye out for any ships that could be entering the atmosphere that belonged to her family. The people that left her behind when she was just a small child. She would spend endless hours looking up at sky wishing that she would be able to see her family coming back for her. Then they would all be able to pick up where they left off.

She would be happy. She would forgive that they were gone so long just so that she could be with them. So that she could be happy with them.

She just didn't want to be alone anymore. She spent endless days and nights trying to survive and looking to the past to try and remember the faces of the people who left her behind so that she would recognize them when they come back for her. But all she could remember was staring up at the sky as a junker of a ship soars up, up, up until it's out of Jakku's atmosphere and sight. She struggled against the glutton of a man that held her roughly by the arm as she screamed, cried and begged for her family to come back.

To not leave her alone.

But they didn't come back. No matter how long she waited. No matter how hard she prayed. No matter how desperately she pleaded. No one came. No one came back to get her.

Then she met Finn. Then Han Solo and Chewbacca.

When she was taken by the First Order because she saw the map that lead to Luke Skywalker, they came for her. People she barely knew, barely spoke to, came back to her as if it was nothing. As if it was something she should have expected to happen. Finn, who admitted that he lied to her about being a part of the Resistance, came back to her even when her own family didn't.

They will never understand how much that meant to her. She thought she was going to have to figure her way out of this. Get out of the station she was on - a planet sized station, she came to learn! - all by herself. Just like she had been dealing with everything ever since she was left on Jakku. She was going to figure it out herself and then she would be okay. Where she would go from there, she doesn't know. Probably back to Jakku, the place she knew and felt a connection to, no matter how feeble. It was something.

But she didn't have to. Finn, Han Solo and Chewy came for her. They could have just considered her dead and blew up the station like they planned, but the three of them came for her. They saw something in her worth returning to. Something she was beginning to doubt was there.

But then Kylo Ren killed Han Solo. Ran him through with a lightsaber. He was a crotchety man that was rough around the edges, but there was something endearing about him. If Rey had to picture a fatherly figure in her mind - and she's done it thousands of times over the years - Han fit the bill in her mind. It was obvious he cared in a I'm-not-soft-or-kind-so-never-think-that-or-your-dead kind of way. Rey had never been around kind, loving people, so her perception of it is skewed at best. Han fit the perfect image of a father in her mind.

Kylo didn't think so. He said that Han would just disappoint her. She didn't think so, but then again, she didn't get the chance to know. Kylo killed him. In cold blood. They knew each other. He was Han's son, she came to learn. And he killed his own father.