Heartbreaker (Don't watch me cry)

Paralyzed

Luciana. . My beautiful Lie (Billie)

I don't even know how to start this off
I use to lose my mind on a tiny error..I nearly lost my mind until I found you.
At first I actually hated you...because you were so different, friendly ..but quiet..you were odd , due to the attention you got for just being you it just freaked me out..I still don't understand.
But in ways we patched up . I still think to this day you saved me from what I could've become, to things I would have gone through if I never had you I know I wouldn't have lived so lively. Right now I feel what is the unthinking as you say when you lie to me ....yes I feel what it's like now.....I feel like a hostage trapped but I'm ever so free.Do you ever wonder why I picked the nick name Lie? Well it's because it was like my life was a lie when I was with my best friend....like I didn't feel trapped between a divorce {my parents} and my disastrous family. I felt at peace..different...normal. Things like that ..wouldn't have happened without you there. I remember how we use to be , I remember when I use to make you smile I felt like I've accomplished all I needed in life , I remember how scared you were when you met my family,trust me I would have been to ...but they loved you ...they still do , I remember every time I had a frown you'd hold me until the stars came out and the sun down , I remember when you made me cups of tea and scolded me about poisoning myself with alcohol with so much glee in your eyes . I remember when you came around. Those were the happiest moments in my life . You probably hate me ....no .....you always use to say hate isn't the word to things you actually hate you use to say loathe is the word for you...so I guess you loathe me. This may never change anything but I can't seem to find anything else to say to you...and without saying this I'll never forgive myself. .......I'm so sorry.....if you could find it in your heart to forgive me ,..that would be the greatest gift I've ever gotten.....I don't know why you even trusted in me ... I love you I truly do and I will forever need you ....
I'm in another city but I'm worried where you may be ...I'm not okay ..far from that
I don't think I'll ever be again
Can you ever forgive all of my sins...your someone I admire so dearly, but I don't want to lose you , there's a space in my heart..in my soul my other part is missing..
And I figured out it's ..you...
It'll always be you..
Please forgive me ..even though I'm not worth your forgiveness
I wish you happiness without me
I'll forever love you my Best Friend

Yours truly

Luciana.