Make It Worth It

Chapter 2

The steroids didn’t even hurt me, I think it was the fall when I passed out that hurt. I’m pretty sure it was a concussion, but of course, the know it all doctors and nurses are telling me that the pain is from the rushing of my blood and some other piece of foolishness. Excuse me, I did this to myself, I know why I’m hurting.

There’s goes another reason, I wanted to leave this world; idiot humans. Somehow, I enjoyed the rush of all this, though. It got me going, as I faintly heard the swears of my teammates and the scream of a cheerleader. The rest is a blur. A wonderful blissful blur, when for about 30 minutes I was fooled that my plan had succeeded. Then I ended up in this whack house. I’ve been conscious for about 2 hours now, and it’s got me thinking about this whole situation. But, when you think about suicide, at first you don’t think about the reactions of others, you think about you, you and only you. It’s a quite selfish move, that’s justified by the reasoning that you believe you’re doing a world a favor.

“MY BABY! Isaiah, oh my word, what have you done?” I hear, as my screaming dramatic mother rushes in. Bloody hell, who let her in?

“Mum.. I-I’m completely f-f-fine.” I say slowly and ragged, I have trouble getting the words out for some reason. “They’re get-t-ting me back to n-normal. Calm down.”

“Calm down, young man you were committing suicide! How am I supposed to be calm? Did you do it because of me? Oh my, don’t say it’s so! I know I could’ve been a better mum. I’m sorry!” Oh, good ol’ mum, I think to myself. She’s always been a total wreck since Dad cheated, now this has really taken a toll on her.

“NURSE! NURSE!” I shouted eagerly, “Please take her out.”

“Oh, come on kid, she’s your mum.”

“I can’t take her crying. It-t-It hurts a-and makes me want to-to die.” That did the trick, you should’ve seen how fast they dragged her out. They’d do anything to stop me from self-harm. Once again, I was in control.

A day later, Mum tried coming back again. The day after that, as well. And the day after that. She kept coming for 3 weeks, but I didn’t want to see her. You see, with Mum since she’s oh so stubborn, she doesn’t get when you don’t want something. Like when I was five and I asked for teddy bear. All I wanted was a teddy bear that I could have to go to sleep with. A regular brown teddy bear is all I wanted. But no, my mother goes and buys me an orange teddy bear because it was my favorite color at the time. Yes, I understand she was being sweet thinking into it like that but all I wanted was a brown teddy bear. Year after year, at Christmas I asked for the same thing, a brown teddy bear. But again and again, I got colorful, annoying teddy bears. Every year the same thing went through my head, What do I have to do to get a brown teddy bear?! My mother never could understand, no matter how good a colorful teddy bear looked, that I wanted a simple brown teddy bear. That’s my mother, got to her love her. Or so my father used to say. Psh, I wish he would’ve followed his own advice. But he left us, left me, for someone else -- someone he called, his first and true love. 

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My father left on a Tuesday, in the middle of the summer, after it had came out that he was cheating with some chick he had a long relationship with. He claimed that she was his first love, and she still made him feel more special then Mom did. The funny part about all of this is the fact that the girl is also married and her husband doesn’t know about Dad. Oh, and her husband is a Olympic Weightlifter. I still keep in touch with Dad, because one day, Mr. 500 pounds of muscle is going to find out about him and I want to get it on video..

I should get 3 million views, in about 2 minutes, right? Ha! It’s what he deserves though, cheating and then telling me about him cheating and making me go to dinner with the woman. I hate to think about him getting hurt, but after all the time I was hurt hiding the secret from Mum, I feel has though he needs to feel some pain too. I wonder what Dad’s doing right now, Mum probably had the police call him and tell him. She’s has the pledge to not talk to him, look at him, or think about him. How is she supposed to do that? They’ve been married for 8 years. And like I said, Mum isn’t the one to understand when you don’t want something. So how is she supposed to understand that Dad just didn’t love her anymore, how does she feel? Probably like how I feel.. knowing that all those years Dad might’ve not loved her as much as she loved him. It’s so depressing thinking about it, and that’s why my Dad deserves to burn in hell.