Make It Worth It

Chapter 4

The beach. Ew. I wanna puke, the grey skies of England awkwardly matching the grey water. Stupid Brits fucking up the ocean, I should shove my foot up their butt. As if they don’t walk around and act like one isn’t already stuck up it, ugh. It disgusts me. This whole world disgusts me right now, god Aubrey. What kind of idea of relaxation is this? Yet, the fresh air is refreshing.

“So, what do I do now? You’ve taken me to some stupid beach full of pollution which reminds of the terrible world we live in. How is this supposed to help?”

“YOU SAID YOU WANTED TO COME OUT, I BROUGHT YOU OUT, I DON’T KNOW WHAT YOU WANTED TO DO WHEN YOU CAME OUT SO I BROUGHT YOU SOMEWHERE WITH A LOT OF SPACE SO YOU WOULD HAVE OPTIONS. NOW SHUT UP.” Whoa there... what is going on?

“ISAIAH DON’T GIVE ME THAT STUPID LOOK. IF YOU WANNA COMMIT AGAIN, GO COMITT: THE ROCKS ARE OVER THERE.” Did I miss something? Since when did she know about my plans to commit again? What?

“Aubrey, what ar-” I was rudely cut off, by more screaming. This little bitch needs to calm down, before I get crossed and slit both of our throats.

“THE NURSE TOLD ME. YOU TALK IN YOUR DREAMS, YOU TELL THE WORLD YOUR PLANS. GO FUCKING DIE IF YOU HATE YOUR LIFE SO MUCH.”

“OKAY THEN. I FUCKING WILL!” And that was it, I was about to be dead and gone. I ran off, not starting at full speed, just in case Aubrey changed her mind and wanted to help, I could still be in hearing range. I ran at a slow jog for about a minute. She made no move, she just sat there and lit a cigarette. She just sat there. Oblivious to what she had just told me. Okay, that was match to my fire. I ran, ran, and kept on running until I noticed the suburbs of my old neighborhood. I hadn’t even noticed I was going there, my feet just to took me there. With my hood over my head, I walked through the middle of the street trying to capture the happy memories that may save me again.

Down the street, I caught sight of brown hair. Brown long, mermaid style hair with natural highlights. It’s beautifully shaped into a french braid on a girl only 5’4”. She was beyond beautiful but I didn’t know who she was. Must be a new girl in town, and at that exact moment we made eye contact. You could see she was scared, or more surprised than anything, but she wasn’t eager to meet me. She looked arrogant but not in a bad way. She was beautiful but not in a Vogue magazine way. She was average but not in a good way. She was a different average, the average I liked. The edgy, out of the blue averages. The averages who didn’t pierce everywhere, and didn’t cut everything in sight but still had this style to them that made them... just better, more fun. She was one of the those kids, you see on the side of the street. Probably smoking, but not high or anything. Just stressed. Yet, they loved life. Before I knew it, I was a few feet away from her. What do I say? Oh my god, shit. I’ll look like an idiot. What does she see right now? Tall, skinny, ethnic creepy dude? What if she was prejudice? Fuck, I’m screwed.

“Hi, I’m Angela. Uhm, I’ve never met you? Are you new here? Or are you like one those colleges students visiting home for the weekend? You know, like, the ones who come at random times?” I noticed her improper speech immediately, gosh. She’s American, gosh. How miserable she must be a school, getting made fun of and all. 

“I’m I-Isaiah. Lived here all my life, recently been in the hospital.” I looked up, into her green eyes and I spotted something. In her eyes, there was something sitting there just so blantly. She’d been through shit, not shit like being grounded and getting your phone taken away, like real dramatic shit. Like I what I went through. She wears her fear in her eyes, anyone who was looking could see it.

“Ahhh, I’ve heard about you. You cut little to deep, eh?” 

“What does is matter to you, you don’t fucking know me. And I didn’t cut. I overdosed. Get your facts right.”