Fighting For Freedom And Love

Confused?

When I'm in my room I decided on a shower since I was done with training and I had no fights tonight.

I got in the shower and immediately my tense, aching muscles let loose and I can feel my body relax again. My body is always stiff when I'm near everyone here. I'm always on high alert. I usually keep my face blank, but I make sure to mess with the people who took me. Hoping they would regret it and leave me be. I had to show no emotion. If I show any vulnerability I'm screwed.

I step out of the shower realizing I left all my clothes down the hall in my room. I took a breathe and tightened the towel around me and darted to my door. But to only hit a wall. A tall, muscular, breathing wall that has a name of John.

He look down and look to be a concerned look but he quickly replaced it with a smirk. " well nice to know your 'falling' for me already" he said in a cocky tone I hated but for some strange reason was attracted too.

" first of all I ran into you and I didn't fall and second of all why are you in front of my door." I said with a glare but blushed realizing he's holding my arms and I'm only in a towel.

" well" he said with a eye roll " I came to tell you dinner is served in the cafeteria but obviously got distracted. And I also wanted to apologize. " he said seriously with his smirk gone.

"It wasn't your fault I ran ou..." But he cut me off and said "no not for this I meant for the way I talked to you yesterday"

I looked at him and asked "which time?"

"Touché" he replied with a small smile. "Both. I shouldn't have called you a slut. I know your not, I just , I can't be your friend. It's not that I don't want to but I just can't. I'm sorry for being a rude asshole but I had my reasons." I stared at him warily not knowing what exactly he's trying to say. He wants to be my friend but can't ? Why not?

So I just nod. If he can't be my friend than I won't be his. I walk around him to get to my door but he grabbed my hand before I could. He stared at me with hard eyes with maybe hurt? "Your not going to say anything? Ask me why I can't? Or anything?" He said in disbelief.

I shrug " like you said you have your reasons and since I'm not your friend I figured why should I dig deeper in those reasons. I told you before trust is sacred and I trust my friends to tell my story and I'm guessing you would do the same" I said monotoned so he couldn't hear the hurt and desperation. I really needed a friend here. One to trust and help time pass by but he said he can't sooo...

"I guess your right. Um well I'll see you at dinner or later. I do have to handcuff you before bed, oh wow that sounded wrong. Sorry umm..." He seemed nervous since he keeps scratching the back of his neck and stuttering on some of his words.

"It's ok I get what you mean. Talk to you later." I turn away and walk into my room. I shut the door and leg out a breathe I didn't know I was holding. He apologized. He didn't want to be a jerk he had to be. Well that's not confusing. Note the sarcasm.

JOHNS POV

I could hear some of the hurt in her words saying how she only trusts her friends implying that I'm not. I know she's hurt and to be honest it hurts me. I don't know why I have theses feelings but I do. And it's ridiculous. I shouldn't have feelings for her but yet I do. I feel the need to protect her but yet I'm doing the opposite. It's all confusing.

I walk to the cafeteria to see she already to her table with her plate of steak mashed potatoes and green beans. I know what your thinking 'why would they serve something like that here?' It's so the fighters have all the protein and nutrients they need to fight. So they eat pretty well. It's just where they stay. In what looks like closet tied up in chains so they don't escape.

She's eating alone like she usually does. She doesn't really get along with the other fighters because she has a short temper and the others know how to rile her up. Which I don't know why sincerely hey got their asses handed to them each time. So I read on her files. Damn this girl had a big file. So many bodyguards. And she almost escaped 7 times. Not even mentions the criminal record I never thought she would have. I thought it was hilarious especially what she did to the last body guard norm. Well he deserved he was very creepy and pervertive so I heard.

I walk to the line and grab dinner. Which is grilled chicken and rice with a coke. I head over to her table.

"Hey" I say to grab her attention. She looks up and her eyes widen and them narrow.

"What do you want" she asked rather rudely. "I usually sit alone so if that's why your here then your wasting your time." She said glancing back down at her roof using her fork to move the string beans around.

I just sit at the table and start eating. She looks up with a scowl on her face. Why is she so angry. I know we are not friends but come on we could have a civil conversation right?

"Wrong" she said harshly. Oh shit I said that out loud. "I don't want a person like you around me. You are my body guard and you made it very clear you dint want to be friends. There are plenty of other seats in this freakin place go find another." I had enough of this.

I looked in her eyes that held so much emotion that I knew she was trying to hide and said " I want to be your friend though."

She narrowed her eyes " what kind of sick twisted games are you playing. You can't just scream and yell at me calling me names saying you don't want to be my friend and come up to me now and say the opposite. Are you joking. Who says you are to make the decision?"

"I'm sorry. I'm just afraid of the boss. He has something over me and if I act or so the wrong thing a lot of shit will go down. But I really want to be your friend" possibly more but I shook the thought out " and I want to be the one here to understand you" she looked at me and a flash of an unknown emotion went throughout her p eyes. Then her eyes went dull.

"I'm not worth it" she said like she is positive she just said the right answer

" but you are. I want a friend to trust here too. And me know you want the same. After all your trust is hard to get and easy to lose. Well I'm going to try really hard to get your tuts and I'm most definitely positive I won't lose it because I need you as much as you need me"

"You remembered" she said more to herself. "Why?" She saw my curious look and continued "why do you want to be my friend so much? Are you doing it for Nick to get information out of me?" She said now with harshness.

"No I wouldn't do that" I paused thinking how to say that I took an interest I. Her he moment i saw her. "It's just your different and your rare. Girls usually are seducyibe towards me but you just showed friendship and you are nice and tried to help even when I was rude to you" referring back to training.

She nodded slowly and thought for a minute "I don't understand. I'm confused. First your joking with me then you turned into an asshole then sweet again , I asked you to be my friend, which you rudely declined , and then you save me turn into an asshole again and now you want to be my friend?"

I nod understanding where she's coming from. " yeah I only was rude to you because I had to be and well you are one of the only people to get under my skin"

She laughed "should I be honored or.....?"

I smile and laugh back " yeah very few people get under my skin, your just one of the lucky ones I guess"

"Yeah well if I was so lucky I wouldn't be here" she said here laughter dying off. But she smiled again and held out here hand "friends?" I shook it and said "friends."

But I knew I wanted to be more but I know she's having a hard time already trusting me so I'll take it slow and gain her trust first. I just hope Nick isn't going to be on my case.