in the clouds ; minsung (✅)

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dear han jisung, the love of my life,

lately it's been a bit too hard for me, and I know you promised to be there for me, and to always come to you, but I can't stand to see that worried look on your face, the way you look at me like I'm going to shatter. I hate making you worry.

I know we made promises

I know I swore I'd stay

but dad came back, trying to take me from mom.

he blamed me and her for the crash. he won't stop.

I never told you, but i have so many fights going on physically, with others, verbally with my mom, and the voices in my head.

but let me tell you baby, this isn't your fault. you were really my only reason to be here, you know that, right? if it weren't for you I'd be long, long gone already

I guess that's hypocritical now, eh?

well,

since I'll never be able to tell you in person,

I love you han jisung. we kissed once and I never stopped thinking of it. your lips on mine, the fire it ignited in my chest and the love I always felt for you, it was always there. every time you hug me, kiss me on the cheek, anything,

it makes my heart race.

I wish I could've stayed. I wish I could have been there to ask you out, to go to prom together, to move to Busan like we promised, to maybe even get married one day,

but sometimes things get too hard, and it's not under my control.

I want to be happy and smile and be there for you, but I can't

and I'm so so sorry my angel

I hate myself for leaving you, but I hate myself even more for living and burdening you.

I don't want you to cry for me

I don't want you to cry, ever.

I want you to smile, because I am better now.

I know I disappeared for a long time. I tried to live, I did. I disappeared; off the grid. just to try to see if I could force myself to stay, but after a month, things only got worse. I heard the news when I walked down remote roads, I saw the suspicious glares, and I felt the beatings of drunk men in secluded alley ways, and I decided,

there was no point anymore.

I am so sorry for this jisung, but know none of this was your fault, and you couldn't have done anything.

I love you so much,

and one day we'll meet.

maybe even in the clouds,

love,

minho