letters to grey

4

Grey,

I haven't eaten anything since we broke up. It's been almost a week. I wake up and immediately throw up. It's getting hard for me to walk. I'm exhausted.

I'm working on a group project for my history class right now. I cried during the group meeting. Everyone is concerned, asking me if I'm okay. I lie and say I'm fine, just going through some personal issues. Finals are in 2 weeks and I'm not sure I'm going to do well on them. My brain feels like mush and my body feels like it's going to give up at any second. How can one person make me feel like this?

I went over to your place to get my stuff today. When you answered the door you looked exhausted. Were you crying? We sat and talked for a bit. And then you pulled me up and asked if we could cuddle for a bit. I said yes. It felt so nice to be held by you. To be touched by you. I felt safe. And then you kissed me again. This is a bad idea.

You held me for the rest of that afternoon. You asked if I had been eating. I answered no. "You're getting too thin. Your pants barely fit you. You need to eat something." So you dragged me to your car and took me to get food. I ordered something to make you happy, but I couldn't eat any of it. I felt sick. On the way back we were walking up the hill to your place and I had to stop for a few moments because I couldn't walk. I could barely stand but I pushed myself to keep going.

We got back to your place and laid down in bed. I needed to sleep. I haven't been sleeping and I felt safe. You let me lay down for a bit, holding me until I fell asleep. Thank you for that. When I woke up I went back home and here I am writing this letter to you. Today was nice, things felt semi normal and it felt good to be able to talk to my best friend.

I love you,
Ash