letters to grey

5

[Trigger warning: this chapter discusses sexual assault. Please read at your own risk.]

Grey,

Today I decided that I'm not going to be sad. There's a music festival on campus, so the girls and I are going. I wanted to feel good, so I put on something sexy. We all did. It was nice to take my mind off of you for a while. My friends posted something on our snap story of us. You messaged me, asking why I was dressed like that. We had an argument. I was really angry with you. You aren't allowed to dictate what I do or how I dress, at least not anymore. I was so mad I marched over to your place. I knocked on the door multiple times until you answered.

Once I was inside I started talking to you about your behavior. You said you knew it was wrong but you couldn't help yourself. And then you kissed me. And I kissed you back. But then it went too far. I didn't want it to go this far. I didn't want this to happen.

"People have sex all the time after they break up, it's healthy."
"My friends have done it so don't worry it will be fine."
"I just want to be with you one last time. I want to remember this."
"Baby, please. I need this and you need this."

"No I don't want to."
"This is wrong please stop."
"We're not together anymore. I don't want to."

But I guess all my protests were in vain. I gave up. I just didn't do anything. And you had your way with me. Does that make you feel good? Using emotional vulnerability to get what you want? How could you do that to me and be okay with yourself? I didn't want it. I didn't want that to happen. And now part of my soul will be taken forever. I'm scared. I'm scared that this is going to happen again and I don't know what to do.

Goodnight,
Ash