All or Nothing

I Can't Give You

Mary's POV

It's been around three months since I last had my menstruation and those one had hurt a lot more than usually, it wasn't suppose to since I was taking the pills for it to be less painful. And since those last menstruation, I didn't have any. And I had started to panic, maybe I was pregnant! But I remember all the times that we all had sex and they always put had a condom, so it must be something else. 

This week I had started to have fever and really not feeling well, my stomach was hurting and my head ache like crazy. Brian and Zacky had try to help me with giving me pain killers and other stuff but the pain never got away. Since I started to feel sick, the tension in our relationship had gone up, I didn't really know why, maybe they were both too worried about me so they blamed each other or some shit like that they shouldn't do. I didn't talk to them about my periods problems, it would be another struggle for them. Zacky came and sat beside me on the couch, he put his arms around me and I put my head on his caring shoulder. It's been a little more than a week since I last had sex with the guys, and they didn't want to do anything without me and I guess that was a part of their worried. "You should go see a doctor babe" Zacky almost whisper to me as he caress lightly my hair making me feel love. I sigh, I knew that it was the best thing to do but I was so scared of what he might found, they were many huge disease in my family like breast cancer or heart disease and I didn't want to have any of these, I was ignoring those possibilities. Brian came into the living, "I took you an appointment for the doctor tomorrow at 10, if you want we can go with you" Brian said the first part pretty sternly, he was only tired to see me like this, he probably only wanted me to go better, but Zacky didn't react as I did. Zacky got up from the couch, "You shouldn't make those kind of decision for her! She is an adult she can do it!" Zacky said as his voice got louder than he would of maybe wish, but Brian fought back, "I only want her to go better Zacky! If no one makes a move who knows! It could go worst than it is now!" Brian yell back at Zacky. Zacky said something and they started to scream at each other, I never liked those things so I silently got up with my blanket and wet outside on the balcony, far enough to not hear their scream but only the sound of the waves crashing softly on the sand. 

I hated making them react like this for something so stupid, it was only me being sick. But it was a good thing that Brian had took the doctor appointment. I had probably stayed there for a few hours because I had fall asleep, I woke up when I felt someone grabbing me bridal style. I open my eyes and saw that I was in Brian's arms, he had that worried look on his face that I wanted to throw away, being replace by a smile and happy face but Brian wasn't hiding his emotions anymore and I was the only one to blame for making him sad. Brian look down at me as he enter our dark house, Brian had moved in with us. A little smile grew on his face, "Everything is okay baby" He whisper to me as he got up the stairs, I started to wonder where Zacky was but when we arrive in the room, Zacky was getting the bed ready for me. They are so perfect. Brian put me gently in the bed as he took off the extra blanket off me before Zacky pull our bed blanket on me. Zacky and Brian join beside me in bed like usually, I was on my back looking at the both of them with a weak smile, I was really feeling like shit. "We apologize for earlier, my reaction wasn't correct and everything is okay now" Zacky said as he look at me then to Brian, "And if you don't want to go to the doctor I can cancel the appointment" Brian told me, I nodded my head no, I wanted to know what I had. Zacky and Brian both lean to kiss me before opening the Tv in our bedroom, I turn on my usual side and close my eyes, I was glad that they had solve this out between them but I was scared for what else could tomorrow bring to us. 

XX

Today, Zacky and Brian had to go to the studio to finish the last touch on their new album, self titled album which I love. They had ask me if I wanted them to go with me but I refuse. I didn't trust myself to drive so I call Lacey, and she came pick me up at the house. She took me to the doctors office without any questions and I was glad about that, "I'll come and pick you up when you're done just text me okay?" She said, I nod and got out of the car making my way to the clinic. 

After they had took my blood to see what was wrong, and the doctor had examine me briefly, I sit on a chair and ask me what was wrong, I told him everything, all my worried that I had to the guys, my periods problem, all. I wanted to know what the fuck was wrong. A nurse came back with my blood results, shit this was fast I told myself.  Dr.Thompson look at my file and scratch is throat before speaking, which wasn't a good sign. "Mary, you have a very rare disease. To make it simple for you, you have lost your ovaries. That's why you don't have periods anymore and that the last ones had hurt more. And you are sick because that's the natural reaction of your body against that.This is not so dangerous, but because of this disease you won't be able to have any kids, never. I'm sorry" He told me. I was on shock, how could I lose my ovaries? The good side was that I didn't had to worry about being pregnant or having my periods, but the sad part was that I knew that Brian and Zacky always wanted to create a family and I could never gave them this. I thought that maybe one day I'll be ready to have kids because I was so scared of all the pregnancy thing! And now, I couldn't gave them something they really wanted. 

I thanked Dr.Thompson and exited his office as I text Lacey. She came and pick me up guiding me back to the house, "Is everything okay?" She ask as she pull in the drive way, I sigh, "Yeah, it'll be. It's nothing to worry about, it's all I can say for now" I told her not feeling ready to talk about this right now, she put a secure arm on my shoulder, "I'm always there if you need" She said with a sincere smile, I nod and got off the car and enter in my house. I took the medication the doctor had gave me for the pain to go away faster. How could I announce to the guys that I wasn't able to have a child?  To me, it didn't bother me that much because I never really wanted kids, I was more worried about Zacky's and Brian's reaction. They'll probably leave me after I announce this to them.

XX

I have been cooking all day for them, making everything that they like, from meals to desert everything! I needed to do something so I cooked. When they enter the kitchen and saw all the food on the table, a smile grew on their faces. "Why is there so many food? Have you invited the army or what?"  Brian said laughing, Zacky came close to me looking into my eyes, he knew me better on that side, he always knew when I was hiding something. "How as it gone to the doctor today?" Zacky ask me as he sat me on a chair at the table. Brian bend down and look at me with worried brown eyes. Gosh I hated when they were worried. I took a deep breath before saying the truth, "I got a rare disease, it's not that much dangerous, I lost my ovaries, I won't have any menstruation anymore and I can't have any child, I'm sorry" I told them looking down at my hands, Brian took my hand gently as I look at him, "Well, we are sorry but, are you sorry because you won't be able to be pregnant?" Brian ask unsure, I nod. "I thought you never wanted to be pregnant" Zacky said with a confuse expression on his face, what? Are they joking me? "But, I was sorry because I know that you both wanted kids" I said, now it was my turn to be confuse, Brian laugh lightly, "Since we agree to be in this relationship we forgot about having kids, it'll be to weird to have like two daddy and a mommy, so no it doesn't matter if we don't have kids" Brian said with a smile as he look at Zacky who was smiling too. I grab both of them by the shirt and I pull them in a hug, I was so happy that they didn't ran out the door or that they didn't left me. I love them so much. 

Until that day, after I was heal, I wasn't scared of anything when we would make love, I was happy how they have take it so well. 

 I don't even know if this disease really excited, just to warn you!