The Dance of the Keepers

Chapter 47 Secrets Revealed

I went straight to my apartment upon our return, ignoring Jasper's suggestion I stay with him for the evening. It probably would have been wiser to agree, I definitely needed supervision, but I all I wanted to do was get away from the sympathetic stares of the other three.

The door clicked shut behind me and I slid my back down it, thumping down onto the floor. I stared straight ahead with unseeing eyes, struggling with what to do about the emptiness inside. There was a set of steak knives in the kitchen drawer that beckoned to me. Why was I even fighting anymore?

You promised.

A voice whispered in my head. But Ranen had been right, a promise wasn't going to be enough. I dropped my head into my hands, breathing heavily.

You have a purpose.

The voice whispered again, but I knew it was a lie. How did someone like me have a purpose? I was a waste of space.

Think about the people who love you, what ending your life would do to them.

The voice gently reminded me.

They'll be better off without me anyway.

I argued back.

Would they really think so if you asked them?

I slammed my fist down on the tile. After everything here I was again, arguing with myself. Why did I keep denying it? I wasn't meant to live, I wasn't meant to keep fighting. I dragged myself to my feet and moved for the silverware drawer.

"Astrid, I think you should let me in."
Jasper's voice came from the other side of the door.

I slid the drawer open and with a shaky hand removed a single steak knife.

"Astrid, open the door."
Jasper spoke again, with more authority this time.

I held the knife above my wrist.

"Astrid!"
There was a note of panic now.

I shook my head, remembering vaguely Jasper telling me that slitting my wrists wasn't the most practical way to kill yourself. I moved the knife to my throat, one slice to the jugular and I would bleed out. It was simpler, less painful. I closed my eyes and adjusted my grip on the knife.

You're not done yet.

The voice in mind was so assured, yet I felt none of that confidence. The door behind me burst open, a female voice shrieked my name, and suddenly I was tackled to the ground, someone wrestling the knife from my hand.

"I told you."
Jasper's voice said in a disappointed tone.

"She wasn't like this, I never dreamed-"
The female voice broke off, overwhelmed by emotion.

It sounded so familiar, but my mind hadn't placed it yet.

"Maybe we should have brought her in on it after all."
Another female voice spoke, I recognized it to be Vienna.

"No, we all know she can't keep a secret to save her life."
A third female voice added.

Kairos.

"So this was better?"
The first voice demanded.

Something like an electric shock sparked through my head. My eyes flew open, it wasn't possible, was it?