Evicted

Chapter 4

   "Wait, I had something for this..." Archer raised his hand to silence everyone as he thought about it. "Damn it, it's gone. But it had to do with you both being gay."
   Ray rolled his eyes, smoking a cigarette as he stood in the break room with Archer and Pam. "Your genius is astonishing." The word had gotten out that Cyril was staying with Ray, because they both decided to simply carpool to work with each other in Ray's car, and Pam had seen them getting out of the same vehicle.
   "I think it's nice that you're letting Cyril stay with you." Pam said, patting Ray's arm. "I would've let him stay with me, but...I didn't wanna."
   "Words of a saint." Ray exhaled a long plume of smoke, then put the cigarette out in the tray. "Catch y'all later." He left the break room and paused for a moment. Maybe he'd go see what Cyril was up to.
   Steering himself around the desks, Ray made his way towards Cyril's office. The door was open, so he went inside, but was sure to shut it behind him. He didn't feel like leaving it open, because Archer or someone else probably wouldn't pass up the opportunity to drop in with some stupid joke.
   Cyril was at his desk, but looked up when the door had closed. "Oh, hey Ray. What's up?"
   "Hey roomie." Ray replied simply, propping himself against Cyril's desk with his hand. "Not much. Just on my break. I figured I'd come here to get away from you-know-who."
   "Archer's been dishing out jokes to you too, huh?" Cyril asked, leaning back a bit in his chair. "Not surprising, to say the least."
   "Yeah, but when is he not being an ass?" Ray rolled his eyes.
   Cyril smiled a bit and nodded to the chair beside Ray. "Why don't you sit and...hang out with me for a while?"
   "Really?" Ray blinked, glancing to the clock. "My break is about over."
   "So? Everyone out there wastes time every day." Cyril replied, then stumbled on his words. "Um, I mean, not that talking to you would be a waste of my time! I meant that-"
   "I get what you mean." Ray said simply, taking a seat and crossing his legs. "So what're you up to?"
   Cyril seemed relieved that Ray hadn't taken his words the wrong way, but he immediately seemed on edge again when Ray asked what he was doing. "Oh, just some...numbers things."
   "Numbers things?" Ray repeated, clearly not buying it. He shamelessly looked at the small notebook Cyril seemed to have been scribbling in when he'd walked into the office. "Looks like you're writing a letter."
   Cyril quickly swept the notebook away.
   Ray just looked at Cyril expectantly.
   Sighing, Cyril knew it was now entirely obvious that he wasn't doing "numbers things" or anything like that. "Alright... It's just that this whole mess of things has happened to me within the span of a couple of days, and I just needed some way to get it out."
   "So you're writing in your diary?" Ray asked.
   "No, it's not a 'diary'." Cyril answered defensively. "I just needed to write out my thoughts so I could look them over and think more about them."
   "Yeah, so you're writing in your diary." Ray nodded, then leaned forward on Cyril's desk. He used his hands to prop his head up and gazed at Cyril cheekily. "You can tell me what you've written so far. I won't tell anyone else..."
   Cyril furrowed his brow when Ray called it a diary again, but he didn't argue any further on the point. "Why would I read about my thoughts to you?"
   "'Cause we're buddies." Ray beamed, making his fingers on one hand walk across the desk, then raised it to tap on the notebook. "And 'cause you trust me, don't you?"
   Cyril didn't want to seem rude and it was true that he did feel like he was pretty good friends with Ray... "Yeah, okay." He agreed at last. "But you can't say anything to anyone else about it. Promise?"
   "Cross my heart." Ray replied, tracing over his chest in an x gesture.
   Cyril still looked uncertain, but he swallowed and cleared his throat before turning the page back and beginning. "Dad came over and had another one of his famous discussions with me." His voice trembled a bit, but grew stronger as he went.
   Ray simply listened, watching as Cyril's eyes skimmed the book and his lips moved with each word.
   "It was the typical disappointed talk. I told him I own the agency now, but it still didn't impress him. I tried to tell him we were doing well, but he didn't care to hear it. Then came..." Cyril trailed off, glancing up at Ray.
   Ray nodded. "Keep going. I'm not going to make fun of you if that's what you're worried about."
   "It's not that..." Cyril shifted in his seat, adjusting his glasses. "It's just that what I talked about...it's something I haven't told anyone before."
   Certainly intrigued, Ray tried to keep a neutral expression all the same. "Well, I promised that I won't say anything, so it'll be between us."
   Cyril was silent for a moment, but he sighed and picked up from where he'd left off reading. "Then came the usual discussion of my romantic life. Dad was not surprised to hear that I'm single, and as usual, he went off on his typical tangent. He said people must think I'm a loser and probably a virgin. He said he'd given up the thought of having grandchildren. He brought up the usual jab, saying people would think that I'm a homosexual."
   Yet again, Cyril stopped. He cleared his throat once more and didn't look up at Ray, instead continuing. "For once, I retaliated against this jab. I questioned whether it would be so bad if I was gay. I told him that a close friend of mine is gay and that I see no problem with it. I told him..."
   Ray was watching Cyril with wider eyes now, but he didn't try to interrupt with any words.
   "I told him that I was tired of his repetitive hatred and continuous rants. I told him that maybe I a-am interested in m-men." Cyril fumbled a bit on his words, sounding rather nervous. "I spoke as if it were hypothetical, but I'm not sure if my dad took it that way or not, because he left soon after my retaliation. That is when my emotions were too much and I began to drink the night away; drinking myself directly into eviction."
   With that, Cyril closed the book and shoved it into his inner pocket. Not knowing what to say, he slowly allowed himself to look at Ray.
   Ray blinked, thinking a moment before he spoke. "Were you being hypothetical?"
   "No." Cyril replied, surprising himself with his own instantaneous response. "I like women, but I kind of finally, fully admitted to myself that I... like men too." He kept his gaze fixed on his hands atop the desk.
   "Cyril, that's okay." Ray was surprised by how humiliated Cyril looked. "It's not a big deal if you like both."
   "It is if you had to hear from your father everyday how bad it is." Cyril responded.
   "I did. I did hear how 'awful' being gay is from my dad and mom almost constantly." Ray answered, shaking his head a bit. "But that didn't matter. In the end, I knew who I was, and I wasn't going to pretend I was someone else just to make everyone around me happy. Even if that meant I had to move away."
   Cyril still looked miserable. "If I ever think about actually being with a man in that way, I just," He ran his hand through his his hair, pulling it a bit. "It's like I can just hear my dad telling me that I'm straight. That liking a guy would be wrong and weird and...weak."
   Ray let Cyril breathe for a moment, then slowly reached across the desk and put his hand on top of Cyril's.
   Cyril flinched, but he didn't pull away, gradually letting his gaze meet Ray's again. "I would feel bad if I didn't marry a woman and have kids with her. If I never did, then my dad wouldn't become a grandfather."
   "So?" Ray rose a brow. "If you weren't aware, your dad is a jackass. You don't owe him anything after how he's treated you. Why would you feel bad about disappointing him?"
   "I don't know." Cyril murmured. "His approval is just something I never got. I've always wanted him to be proud of me for something."
   "Cyril, you can't please everyone." Ray tried to soothe him, brushing his finger back and forth over Cyril's hand. "Not everyone is going to be happy with how you live your life. There comes a point when nothing else matters and you simply have to make sure that you're happy with yourself."
   His answer did not come immediately, but Cyril murmured. "Okay. I'll try."