The Only Thing That Makes Sense... Is Her

(Chapter 5)(nicotine gum)

(Chapter 5)(nicotine gum)

I growled at myself for being so stupid . I shoulda stopped a long time ago, when I first took her in as my daughter. I sighed .

I screamed at myself. I slung things into the floor and threw pillows , anything I could get my hands on . I growled and slung my hat . I sat in the floor; and rested my arms over my knees and my chin on my arms. "What the fuck do I do". I ask myself out loud. Emmy woke and came and sat in my lap and kissed my cheek. "Daddy , what did I do wrong?" She asks .

" nothing honey," I say and kiss her forehead.

"Daddy's just , frustrated sweetheart". I say. "Let's go to bed hm". I ask. She nods. I put her to bed and we fell asleep .
I put her to bed and we fell asleep .
I woke the next morning to Emmy cuddled against my bare chest. I felt the urge to smoke come back around. I fixed Emmy and me some breakfast. We ate, it was on to the next show soon. I was waiting outside the bathroom for Emmy . I had to go to the store for a few things. My hands were shaking, I was going through full force, flat out, smoking withdrawal . I hated that my body couldn't get over this.
Emmy came out of the bathroom and I took her into my arms .
"Come on , let's go on a trip to the store". I say. She smiled.
I went to the store and put Emmy in the front of the cart.
"Okay, can you read the list please". I say to Emmy who was trying to turn our list into a paper airplane. "Toothpaste, deo...". She stopped.
"Deodorant ". I say . " yea, and drinks , and shaving stuff for your face". She says. "I didn't put that on the list." I say. " you still need to shave your face ". She says. "Why?". I say, this was driving me crazy I had the urge to smoke again, I needed something . " cause daddy you look like a lion, you need to shave". She continues. I had bought her sour punch chewy gummie straws. She was eating one. " Emmy can daddy have one of those ?" I ask. She nodded and handed me a long sticky candy straw. I put it in my mouth, I sucked on it , hoping for my urge to smoke to dissipate.
Then the sourness hit. "Ugh". I say with a sour face . Emmy giggled. We got what we needed, and the sour had stopped my urge to smoke but I also didn't need to rote my teeth out .
We were in the check out.

The young woman looked at me, at most she was 20 something .
"Are you alright?" She asks.
"Fine, just trying to get used to not smoking anymore." I say.
"Oh you know what helped me quit". She says. "What's that?" I ask her as I put mine and Emmys groceries on the counter for her to scan.
"Nicotine gum ". She says. I smiled. "Really?" I say. "Yeah there's a store right up the road here that sells it ." She says.
"If you'll wait for a few minutes my shift will be over and you can follow me there, I gotta go get more anyway". She says smiling.