red side of the moon- trixya

fifteen.

tw: homophobic slurs

Judy knew that loving's in the patience

"Mom?" Trixie stepped into the kitchen. She had put on her mother's favorite dress- a little pink lacy dress with a babydoll silhouette. It made Trixie feel pretty and her mother always complimented her on it.

Her mother looked up from her computer to see her daughter standing and twiddling her thumbs. "Everything okay, Trixie?"

Trixie bit her lip and nodded. "I need to talk to you," she said. "Can we sit on the couch?"

Their house was small, but it was just the right size for the two of them. Trixie never knew her father; he became a drug addict when she was very young and her mother left him to spare Trixie from his abusive behaviors. They sat on the couch together facing on another. Like they had many times before.

"I don't know what you're going to say, but i can't imagine you'll be pleased with me, so I just want to apologize," she said, unable to meet her mother's eyes.

"What did you do?" Her mother said, anger hiding in her voice.

"Nothing," she started. "Well, not nothing, but let me finish." Trixie felt like her heart was going to break right though her rib cage. She felt like she was going to pass out and cry and vomit all at once. "Mom," her voice broke and a tear fell from her eye. "I think I'm gay," she choked out.

"You what?" Her mother scoffed at her daughter.

"I like girls, Mom," she sobbed, tears freely falling from her face now. She threw her face into her hands quietly begging for her mother to hold her and accept her.

"You're a dyke?"

Trixie sobbed harder. She knew this would happen. She knew her mother would hate her and disown her and call her terrible names. Her mother went to church every Sunday. Her mother was a conservative woman. Trixie had held onto hope that her mother would understand and put her prejudices aside.

"Beatrice Mattel," she said, her voice heated. "Is this because of that Katerina girl?" Trixie shook her head violently as sobs wracked her body. "I knew this would happen. I knew I shouldn't have let you hang out with her."

"It's not Katya's fault," she choked out though tears. "It's just who I am, Mom." Trixie was embarrassed by how hard she was crying. She couldn't think straight. She couldn't think of anything but Katya's lips against hers. "This is just the way I am." She tried so hard to be strong, but she sounded like a child being shouted at by an adult.

"No, it isn't." Her mother stood up, separating herself from her sobbing daughter. "This is not who you are. This is a phase and you are confused. You are not gay. You are my daughter, for Christ's sake, and you are not gay."

"But I am!" She shouted, her voice strangled with crying. "I'm your daughter, and I like girls, and I love you," Trixie sobbed.

Her mother crossed her arms. "If this is who you are, then you're not my daughter." Trixie felt her heart stop beating. "You need to be out of this house by tonight until you realize what a mistake this is."

Trixie screamer and sobbed. She sounded like she was being strangled. "Mom, I'm your daughter! You're my best friend! Please, please don't do this," she said, standing up to hug her mother, who shoved her backwards.

"You will be gone by the time I get home." Her mother said, turning away from Trixie. She grabbed a coat, her purse, and the car keys before leaving the house.

Trixie fell to her knees in her family room. She sobbed and sobbed until her head was pounding so hard she couldn't see. She cried and screamed even though she knew no one was listening. She cried until she couldn't breathe- until she swore she was drowning.

She stumbled to her bedroom and shoved as many of her clothes as she could into a pink duffel bag. She packed up her guitar and notebooks filled with lyrics. She shoved all of her schoolwork into her backpack, and then she called Katya.

"Katya," she choked out as she heard the girl pick up.

"Are you okay?" She asked, too familiar with Trixie's voice when she was crying.

"I can't breathe," Trixie said. It was true. She couldn't breathe and her head was about to explode and her heart hadn't yet restarted from when her mother said she needed to leave. "My mom kicked me out." She was crying again.

"I'll be there in fifteen minutes, I promise," Katya said, frozen in her bedroom.

Once she hung up the phone, Katya's mind raced ahead of her. Her parents weren't home tonight, but they would be tomorrow. She would need to convince them to let Trixie stay with them, but for tonight she could have Trixie over.

She ran to her sister's bedroom. "Kaija," she called. "I'm going to pick up a friend. She's going to sleep over for tonight," she said.

Her sister was sat on her bed reading a colorful novel. "Okay," she said, not looking up from her page. "Why?"

"You can't tell Mom or Dad," Katya said. "Not yet." Kaija nodded. "I'll be home soon," she said as she left.

Katya ran to her car and took off in the direction of Trixie's house, mentally prepping herself to see the gorgeous girl covered in tears. But she knew she would make Trixie happy. They would be sleeping over at Katya's house alone, which would be wonderful.

As Katya pulled up to Trixie's house, she saw the front door ajar and bags on the front stoop. Then out came Trixie, face streaked with tears, wearing a gorgeous dress. Katya jumped out of her car to load the bags into her trunk. They were heavy; filled with clothes, books, and an entire lifetime of shattered hopes of normal future.