The Loneliest Girl In the World

Love

Love is such a scary word. Yet it is only 4 letters, but those 4 letters mean so much, mean the world. But why is it thrown around like its just a word, well it is just a word but it isn't at the same time. It means a lot to everyone. People search for it their whole lives, kind of like me. I have searched and searched and searched. But the kind of love i find isn't love it is a one sided relationship where i give so much and get nothing in return. Why stay you ask. Well if i get any kind of love i will take that it doesn't matter if there verbally and emotionally abusive to me at least it is love. He tells me i cannot feel sad, i have been given everything in the world. Well newsflash, money does not buy happiness to me it takes it away. When people have money it gets thrown around like nothing i want to have to try and make rent i want that i have never had that, and as long as i am with the person i love it will not matter to me. I need to feel loved, i want someone who will call me and make sure i am okay, to look me in the eyes and tell me that they will help me through anything. I want someone who will truly love me for all of my flaws, someone i do not have to save because to be honest i am not trying to save them i am trying to save myself. That is why i search for people who are just like me, i do not think i am worthy of someone who does not have all the issues i have or more. But deep in my heart that is what i want i want someone who i do not have to feel needs so much work for me to save. I want someone to listen to me and truly care about me. I did not think that was to much to ask for but it is all i want and who knows i might not ever find it, but it is my dying wish to find someone who truly loves me. I have given my love to the blade so maybe i am incapable to love someone because truly my heart is somewhere else. Hopefully i will be able to let that love go and give everything i can to someone. I want to be swept off my feet and have that person to spend the rest of my life with. I am only 19 years old but when you have been searching your whole life 19 years is a long time.