Sweet as Poison

Introduction

Hey guys! Just a previous warning, this story will be long, very long! It will be filled with useless details and it isn't as much as a deep fanfic, trying to cover everything. It is just something I thought over my trip and I wanted to write it down. It will be very sweet in most parts, with some necessary angst, and it will show the dynamic I think Dumbledore and Grindewald had. However, I must say right now that in most parts of this fanfic, Grindewald will be acting as a manipulative asshole so if that triggers you, don't read it! If you still want to read it, I will try to warn all chapters that contain manipulative, toxic or abusive behaviours! With all that said, enjoy the fanfic!

(Also I don't have a beta so if you see any mistakes please tell me about it!)

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Hogwarts was becoming more and more unbearable as the years went by. Life was becoming more and more unbearable. Hogwarts was pretty much like a second home, and it would have been great if it wasn't for the constant reminder that he should finish his studies as quickly as possible and go back home to care for his mother and sister. Every year, the reminder was the same, the questions were the same, the talk behind his back was the same, and he couldn't handle it anymore.

In his sixth year, things were becoming impossible to deal with.

He wondered how Aberforth could deal with it so easily.

"Albus, it is our family. Our sister. Our mother. It is our duty to care for them, and I love them enough not to question our responsibility" he explained one night, when the question was so loud in his head that Albus couldn't not ask. The answer, however, left him in even more peril. It was so obvious, but it weighted his heart, because for some reason, he couldn't see it like Abe did.

In his right mind, he thought the same. But when the rawest thoughts ran through his head, his mother and sister were nothing more than a chain holding him back. They were weights on his back, they were useless to his future plans, and those same plans would be impossible with the two holding him back because of duties and responsibilities.

But when those thoughts were filtered, he felt a bitter taste in his tongue, felt his eyes burning with guilt, and he would cower himself underneath his blankets inside his room, blaming himself for his lack of compassion.

They were his family. He had to love them above all. And yet, he felt like he loved his simplest dreams more than them.

That... was the worst weight he could carry. But no one could know. If anyone even suspected he wasn't one hundred percent devoted to his family, they could say things that could reach wrong ears and make their situation even worst. And Aberforth would never, ever forgive him.

Still, it was easier said than done. So, he kept himself quiet, closed off, and while Abe had many friends, eve had a girlfriend or another, he kept his relationships weak, made sure to not let anyone inside his head, and maintained his heart sealed behind locks with no keys, to be sure it would be reserved for his family and his family only.

Only holding his heart, he knew he would be able to do them some right, even if not all right.

Only like that he would be able to keep himself aware of everything he needed to do, not let himself wander too far into his own head.

Perhaps it made him miserable, but it was safe.

Having once more that argument with himself dead in the night, Albus wiped off the tears that wanted to fall and sniffled quietly as he turned to a side position on his bed. Sighing softly, he pulled the blanket from over him to between his arms, hugging it like a pillow and closing his eyes as he rested his head against the pillow. He was so tired of all those discussions with himself. He knew he would never win over his reason. His heart would never be free to fly, it would always be locked to the ground, and his powers kept out of his reach, so he wouldn't hurt anyone. So his fate wouldn't be like his father's.

And still using his energy to think over and over about those issues, Albus saw himself slowly drifting to sleep, with a last plead to the universe to give him a chance to live, just like he hadn't those sixteen years, and probably his whole life.

Just... something. Something.

Something to give him reason to go on that wasn't his pure good sense. Something that made life worth living.

And like that, he slept, with those thoughts burning in his mind.

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Heyyyyyy if you're liking it up to know why not leave a comment and a kudo? I love to hear what you're thinking and how I can improve! And if you have an idea of some cute scene you want to read in the future, feel free to ask for it in the comments!!!!!!!!!!!