Beneath Your Beautiful

Prolouge

I hope you like it. >_< -~ kunwaring author

IRIS

Nineteen years of life played in my mind like a movie. Naglalaro sa isip ko ang mga kaganapan sa buhay ko mula pagkabata. In there, I saw how my life is full of misery. I saw my sister's life was different from mine. She was love and I was not. She is being remembered while me always forgotten.

Aira Natalie Romanov, my older sister - the apple of the eyes of my parents and the beauty and brain of the family.

Sa kanya umiikot ang mundo ng mga magulang ko. She's celebrating her twentie't birthday while all people surrounding her with their smile and adorement in their face.

Standing proudly on the stage beside her was our parents.

Her life was full of color while mine was black and white. My childhood was not so happy. Being a child that craves for her parents attention was not easy. Born with a golden spoon. I was given everything. A typical girl with the big world handed to her and yet I was not happy. Why?? Because all I want is love and a little attention from my parents.

A family that love one another. A parent that would see their child equally.

Then there was my older sister who was intelligent, beautiful and elegant - - everything I was not.

Both my parents love and adore so much my older sister. For them she's so precious while me on the other hand was the forgotten one. My attempts to get their attention always fail. I grew up underneath my perfect older sister's shadow.

As the crowd continue to cheer her on her birthday, I was just here staring blankly at them.

Flashing scene of me desperately trying to get the attention and affection of my parents cross my mind. Until I understood that I will always be neglected.

For them, I will never be enough. Para sa kanila si ate lang ang bida.

Picture perfect. Yan ang makikita mo sa kanila. Kung saan hindi ako kabilang. Habang ako'y nandito sa isang kubling sulok at sila ay nasa entablado at pinapalibutan ng mga mayayamang angkan sa iba't ibang panig ng pilipinas.

While me, Samantha Iris Romanov was just a nobody to them.

All the anger and resentment for my sister built up as I grew older. Bakit siya lang ang mahal nila? Bakit lahat ng atensyon nasa kanya?.

I remembered one time how I was nasty toward my sister. I initiate a fight with her. All the frustration and anger towards her exploded. How foolish and ignorant I was as I lush out my ugly jealousy? At the end she will always have the side of our parents.

Sa mata ng mga magulang ko siya ang laging tama at ako ang laging mali.

While I was blinded to chased the love of my parents. I forgot about my self.

I was busy making them proud and happy that I forgot what I want to be.

I was busy following the things my sister does.

Aira took up Business and Management studies, so I does. Aira did ballet, so I did ballet. Aira wants to learn playing piano, so I need also to learn piano. I did everything she does as to please our parents and to get even a little attention of them. I thought kapag ginawa ko lahat ng ginawa nya ay mapapansin din nila ako.

But everything is a failure. Siya ang laging magaling at pangalawa lang ako.

My parents spend a lot of time and effort in cultivating her into a beautiful princess she could be. I did not get attention or care from my parents. Instead of looking at me and finding what I was good at, my parents always find reason to critizice me and compare me to her.

Lahat ng bagay na gusto ko ay kinalimutan ko.

I live an empty life for being someone else when I should have live for myself.

Then there's this boy. A beautiful boy that consumed my heart and thoughts. As quickly as my heart beats for him - it shattered when I was told that he was meant for my sister. She had already consumed all my parent's love and yet she also have his attention.

From the beginning, he never noticed my existenced. Like everyone else, he had deeply fallen to my sister's charm.

Zachary Adam El Greco, the hottest bachelor in town. Every girl's dream guy. Mga bata pa lang kami alam ko nang para kay ate siya. I'm way out of his league. He love's my sister too much to even notice me. Sabagay, kinalimutan ko na ang paghanga ko sa kanya simula pa nung una. All i want is love from my parents. But that would never happen. As long as there is Aira Romanov, there would be no Iris Romanov existing.

As the crowd continue to cheer's  her on her birthday. Here I am standing alone and sadly watching them all celebrate.

I guess I will never fit in this family. What I truly want now is not to be free from all the flaws but to learn to accept my defects and embrace them.

I must learn to let go. I've wasted so many years in turmoil over someone else life and how my parents think of me. Instead of working and finding my own happiness, all I did was to try to fit in them.

Now, I no longer feel anger or jealousy.

There are more to life and I want to find out the possibilities in mine. It doesn't matter kung ano man ang maging tingin saakin ng mga tao at magulang ko. It doesn't matter that if no one loves or sees me.

Ayaw ko nang maging anino ng ate ko at ayaw ko nang mamalimos ng pagmamahal sa mga magulang ko.

Simula ngayon I will try to find my own happiness.

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author's note kunyari : alam kong ndi ako kagalingan.. 1st time ko pong magsulat.. sana magustuhan nyo.. At humihingi po ako ng paumanhin kung meron mang may kahalintulad sa pangalan, bagay o pook.