LOVE TO HATE YOU

A small human girl child....

We woke up completely tangled in each other's arms and legs. Even our fingers were intertwined.

"Morning." Ben said when I finally opened my eyes. He was propped up on his elbow, looking at me intently.

"Have you been watching me?"

He smiled and looked up at the clock on the wall, "Only for half an hour."

"You've been staring at me for half and hour?" I turned to face him, keeping my hand over my mouth, for fear of morning breath.

"Did you discover anything interesting?" I asked.

He shrugged, "Nothing I didn't already now.'

"Like what?"

"Just how beautiful you are."

I bumped him playfully with my arm. I still wasn't used to the constant flow of his compliments. "Thanks."

"Time to get up. We have a big day ahead of us."

"What big day? We didn't plan anything today, did we?" But then I remembered the so-called strange, mysterious night that Ben kept alluding too.

"I'm taking Li to the zoo today. She's currently obsessed with polar bears and I promised I would take her to see one." Ben climbed out of bed and searched the floor for his clothes. "I'd love you to come."

"Uh... isn't it a work day?"

"It's Youth Day today. Public holiday."

I nodded. I'd totally forgotten about that.

"So let's be kids and eat cotton candy at the zoo and spend the whole day together having a great time."

"I don't know, Ben. It feels weird."

"What about it is weird?"

"How should we act in front of her, now that we're....?"

"Dating?" Ben sighed and placed a hand on my shoulder. "For now. Just friends," he said, moving his hand up to my cheek and smiling, "but as soon as you confess your undying love for me, and I sign those joint custody papers, I'll stand on the rooftop and shout it to the world with a loudhailer."" He nudged me and I nodded.

We'd spent the previous evening deliberately not talking about all the complicated stuff. I'd almost forgotten it existed.

"I really want you to get to know Li properly. She's a massive part of my life, and I want you to be a part of my life, too. A big part."

"You're so confident about this...about us." I gestured at the space between us. "We've only known each other for a few weeks and you seem so sure. How?"

There was that strange look again, and I wasn't sure at all how to interpret it.

"I'll tell you tonight."

I sighed loudly and shook my head, "What the hell is so special about tonight, Ben?"

Ben just winked at me playfully, "I told you already—"

I cut him off. "Yeah, yeah I'm going to confess my undying love to you, yada, yada, yada ..."

Ben's playful smiled faded. Suddenly he looked serious.

"What?" I sat up quickly, concerned by the rapid, shift in his demeanor.

"Sera." His voice sounded very strange, and I wasn't sure I liked it. "When I didn't tell you about Li and Mei, it was manipulative. I was trying to get you to go out with me under false pretenses. I didn't let you decide for yourself whether you wanted to. This time, ... I'm not going to do that." He tucked a loose tendril of hair behind my ear and continued, "Spend a whole day with Li and I, and then see how you feel about me after that because I'm a package deal...."