LOVE TO HATE YOU

I removed all the blue ones...

Despite the shaky start, the day wasn't as awkward as I'd expected. Perhaps it was because I really had no space in my brain for Ben. Since my sister's SMS, my father was all I could think about. Fume about. I was furious with him, and even more furious that he still had this effect on me, even though I was a grown woman.

He'd singlehandedly messed up our family and nothing good had ever come of him. Well, that wasn't entirely true. He was the reason that I'd met JJ and Bruce.

After the bank incident, I'd been forced to get a job. We had been eating bread and jam for a month, so I was so proud and relieved when I got that first paycheck. I worked my butt off for that money, but, as it turned out, it was just to have him steal it after swearing blind he wouldn't gamble again.

But I knew exactly where I would find him, Caesars Palace. So that night I hitched a ride there, determined to get some of the money back before he gambled the whole lot away. When I got there, I saw my dad only a few meters away from the security gate, shoving money into a slot machine, but the guard wouldn't let me in to stop him-I was underage-no matter how much I begged and pleaded.

I watched my father flush all that money away-my future-my sister's future. I just broke down and started crying .

Just at that moment, JJ and Bruce walked past. The Rocky Horror Picture show was on at the casino and these two had taken the tradition of dressing up to a whole new level. Suddenly I had two crazy-looking transvestite creatures in fishnet stockings standing next to me.

JJ, always nosey as hell, asked what was going on. When I explained it to them with tears streaming down my face, JJ didn't wait for me to finish. He stormed past the security gate and leapt on my father while Bruce cheered him on. It was one of the most shockingly funny things I'd ever seen. My dad made a run for it, zigzagging through the bright flashing rows of slot machines, but JJ was stealthy in those six-inch heels and was in hot pursuit. He finally caught up to my dad, just as the security guards caught up with him, and we were all escorted out of the casino-my dad kicking and screaming and punching, which got him banned permanently-I was ever so grateful for this. (JJ and Bruce also got banned, but they always claim that it was soo worth it.)

They gave me a ride home that night, and were appalled to see where I was living. So they decided right there and then to make me their problem. They offered me a job at their restaurant and without asking, paid me upfront for the month. I hate accepting charity, and even now when they offer money, I don't accept it, but when my little sister ran out to the car crying, I knew that accepting help was the only way we could make it.

Meeting them was one of those strange life events, a fortuitous meeting that was somehow meant to be. I owed them so much, but they did it all willingly. They told me they always wanted kids, but the world hadn't been keen on gay couples adopting. Still, they always told me how they got the best of both worlds, a daughter and a friend.

I actually teared up at my desk at the thought of their kindness and love-such a stark contrast from my own parents. I reached for a tissue and surreptitiously dabbed my eye just as Ben happened to walk past.

He stopped and looked down at me and I immediately averted my eyes hoping that he hadn't seen the small tear. But being Mr. Perceptive, he had. He looked around to see if anyone was listening or watching.

"You sure you're okay?" He spoke softly and it sounded like genuine concern.

"Fine. Fine. Just allergies." I tried to cover quickly and rubbed my nose hard, then pretended to blow it into a tissue, although nothing came out. I then rubbed my eyes as if they were itchy, but all I'd managed to do was smudge my moist mascara. I could see he wasn't convinced.

"I'm sure there're antihistamines in the first aid box," he offered.

"Great idea" I said, jumping up-perhaps a little too enthusiastically-and excusing myself, speed walking to the kitchen where the box was. I lingered there for a second or two so he would think I'd taken a pill and then walked back to my desk looking sorted and confident and ready to do my work. When I got back, he wasn't there, which I was grateful for. I pulled out my phone and messaged JJ.

Sera: Can I pick up a shift tonight?

JJ: What did he do this time?

Sera: The usual.

JJ: Can I kill him?

Sera: Sure.

JJ: See you later then. XX

There was only one more meeting to get through before the end of the day, and then straight off to more work. Even though holding down two jobs was exhausting, I enjoyed working in the restaurant. The atmosphere there every night was great. Themed evenings meant people flocked in droves dressed to the nines, be it Madonna or Cher night-Yes, they were that clichéd.

When the meeting was over I ran back to my desk, but when I got there I found a large envelope with my name written across it in a now-familiar handwriting. Sudden images of my pink underwear flashed through my mind. I looked toward his office. Ben was doing a review with some creatives and not looking in my direction. I slipped my hand in and pulled out a packet of M&M's. It had been opened and a small note had been inserted.

I removed all the blue ones, since they seem detrimental to your health.

I smiled to myself, and when I looked up, Ben caught my eye and smiled right back. It was a strange, sexy, skew little smile that made my heart actually skipped a beat.