LOVE TO HATE YOU

Epilogue

I've been reading a lot of fairy tales lately—Li's favourite is Cinderella, of course. They grated me at first—I mean really, really bothered me—that everyone in those stories just lived happily ever after. That's it. Happy. Forever. My cynicism kicks in when I read words like that and all I can think of is how corny it all is.

But then I realize how corny I am now—Totally corny. Because—oh and please stop reading if you were like I was once, because this might all just be a bit too much. Sometimes it's a bit too much for me, too—everything has changed. From the moment I opened my eyes in that hospital bed, my life has completely transformed.

Bruce and JJ decided to retire and move to their holiday home in laid-back Cape Town a few months ago— JJ even decided to stop colouring his hair and embrace his grey. There were many tears, and long goodbye hugs, and dramatic soap opera moments as if they were flying off to Timbuktu never to be seen again. (Cape Town is a short three-hour flight away)

Ben and I are still 'stuck' in the extended honeymoon phase of our relationship. I have a suspicion that it's not going to wear off anytime soon. He tells me he wakes up every morning feeling like he won the Lotto—he always did know how to charm the pants off a girl.

Katie, too, is loving her well-deserved break before she heads off to Med school, thanks to the JJ and Bruce scholarship fund. They insisted because, as JJ pointed out, they are both on the wrong side of fifty and will no doubt be needing medical care as they age gracefully—and dramatically.

But no one is having more fun than Li—who of course is completely stealing the show!

JJ decided that his little holiday project was to put on a show with Li, complete with outfits, solo numbers, choreography and the whole bang shoot! My favorite moment has to be when he dressed her as Marilyn, singing Happy Christmas—instead of birthday—to us all.

Ben's brother even spent Christmas day with us. It was widely awkward for about ten minutes before he confessed to being absolutely star struck with JJ and in complete awe of him—Oh how the tides do change when JJ's ego is stroked.

Bruce and JJ had left their apartment in Jo'burg to me, and Ben and I have been living our own version of 'Home Makeover' ever since. At first Ben thought he could DIY the merger of our two apartments by bashing a hole through the wall—They make it look so easy on the TV shows, don't they. In the end, we contracted a team of professional builders and now we have one, huge apartment.

Li has her own room—now painted 'Frosted Tulip', not pink. She's been spending more and more time with us now that Ben officially has joint custody. Even Mei isn't a major issue any more. She got over herself a bit when she realized the convenience of having so many other people willing to invest in her daughter's life—a convenience she is not afraid to abuse—we don't mind though.

And Katie's room is right across the hall from Li's. Often, in the middle of the night, Ben and I hear the pitter patter of Li's little feet as she sneaks into her 'big sister's' bed. Likewise, Katie sees Li as the little sister she never had. We've made a monthly date to go to the zoo as a family, and Katie loves teaching Li some new fun fact about a different animal each time—which gives Ben more opportunities to secretly squeeze by bum when they aren't looking.

I've never been happier. I mean, what more could a girl ask for? The man of my dreams, my sister, and our adorable little Li, all under one roof. I'll admit that it was a bit strange falling into the whole 'soccer mom' routine, complete with the big mommy car and the school runs. Every other day we would car pool, and Ben would drop all three of his girls off. The looks he got at the school as people tried to figure out how everyone was related... priceless.

Ben and I don't drive into work together any more, though. I have a new office. It's no longer the little desk in full view of Mr. Pervy Boss Man—not since that awkward moment when we nearly got caught in the copy room together—that was a pretty difficult position anyway; it required a lot of bending. After that we realized that maybe working so closely together wasn't the best idea. So I decided to become the true queen of Beef Cakes. That place had always been like a second home to me, anyway, so stepping up to manage the place was pretty easy.

But my real pride and joy is the small building next door, which we bought and I transformed into a small garden restaurant section. Of course, because Ben loves to come and eat there, it quickly turned into a kind of cool-not cool-I-am-so-uncool hipster hangout, which is weird—but I'm not complaining.

Mom even pops in for a visit during her lunch break about once a month. It's been really nice to keep in touch with her and see how far she's come since the divorce. She's not great, and she has a long way to go until she regains her former self, but she's okay. She's in therapy and she's trying.

As far as Dad's concerned... I'm still not entirely sure how I feel. Just before we left for Capetown for the holidays, I got a letter from him, a heartfelt invitation to attend his one-year anniversary at gamblers anonymous. He says he needs to make amends. Ben offered to come with me and hold my hand. I've decided to give myself some time before I decide— I'm still not sure if I'm ready to see him yet. I suppose I'll be doing a lot more staring out of JJ and Bruce's guest room window at their beautiful ocean view, reflecting, before we head back home.

In moments like this one, I realize how happy I am. Sitting on the patio after teatime, soft music playing in the background while JJ and Bruce lounge next to the pool with their cocktails reading the Gay Times—God they are such clichés. The girls are dancing together and Li's trying to teach Kate some ballet moves. Katie looks reluctant, but is playing along with a smile. And Ben is by my side—Take a snap shot please and post it on a Hallmark card.

The song changes and Li pulls JJ up to dance which gives Katie the chance to collapse next to Bruce and the two sit there watching in fits of laughter. I look at everyone, and I realize that I finally have the family I've always longed for—my very own, unique, crazy and amazing blended family with two 'sort of' dads, a man I love, a little girl and a big little sister.

I look over at Ben and smile, completely content. He smiles back, gets up and stands in front of me with his arms outstretched and a nod towards the impromptu patio dance floor. I look up at his face and there is yet another one of those strange looks that, even after all this time, I still cannot decipher. Getting ready to put my hands in his, my eye catches something. Something looks out of place and it takes me a few minutes to grasp, as I look from one wrist to the other, he's made an addition to his tattoo collection. I notice the 'ME' on his left wrist first, and, of course, it makes no sense, until I look back at the other wrist... 'MARRY'.

MARRY ME

I shake my head with a smile and in this moment I understand that look in his eye completely—He might be crazy enough to tattoo our names on his body after all.