If I told you

Secret 02

I have this paranoia, well at this point I don't even think it's paranoia, it seems like the truth.
I've never grown up with many people around me.
Not friends not family.
In a sense, I am estranged, abandoned, orphaned.
I have always been.
Whether metaphorically or literally. You can read it both ways in my case.

I have an impending fear, a rational fear mind you...
That nobody actually welcomes me, that no one values me enough to truly invest time in me.
They all just pity me and deal with me until a convenient plan rears it's lifesaving-head and they can leave me behind.

It's happened, it'll continue to happen.
I get that. I don't need to be taught. I've always known.

I just never vocalise it to the people I doubt.

Maybe because even if I do, it's not like I can trust their response.

My secret is I will never fall for someone who makes me feel that way. No one should be made to feel thst way in a relationship. Never. No compromises there.