If I told you

Secret 03

Admittedly
It's not much of a secret if
I'm going to any lengths to hide it.

Yet it feels like a taboo subject.

I was told women are meant to marry if they want children.
Fair enough, it's often safer and more convenient to have a family when in wedlock.
But no... they said they meant it was a woman's duty, the duty of marriage?

I don't agree.
I said I didn't want kids.
Not because I despise them
Because
I don't,
I just don't like the world today, I don't think it's suitable to bring any more people into.
There are good things in this world yes...
Yet I'd rather focus on helping the souls that are already here and possibly in need of support rather than bringing a new soul into the world with the possibility of this reality only bringing them pain. It's a game of chance but it's also still my choice.

They tell me I am selfish for saying such a thing but am I not thinking if the child themselves? I am not indifferent to the notion of motherhood, it can be wonderful but it doesn't have to be for me.

They say I am but a child myself and know nothing of life, that I'll soon change my mind and want children.

How invalidating.

How can someone say that to the generation who's stress levels are that of asylum patients in the 50's.  The modern age forced us to mentally mature much quicker although we tend not to show it, we feel it and we know it.

They ignorantly tell me more. They say that if my husband wants a child I must do as he says

"You must give in and obey"

Is marriage not a covenant?
Is it not the mutual agreement to bond?
Not the one sided dictatorships you think it to be?

What makes you think I'd be foolish enough to marry someone who'd force me into that?

The only near-selfish thing I can say is that I'd be the one carrying the child. A man must respect what that entails.

It isn't a one sided choice, it a conjoined decision.

And I'm not an idiot to reality.