When Boredom Strikes.

lemme just shake

Shaking.

All I can feel is every limb, muscle, tendon, molecule, and atom in my body shaking.

I sit in this office and I tell you about my issues and what I believe is wrong and it always becomes a never ending list of stuff and opening up. Though, it seems that it's not a simple consultation, though more of an open heart surgery. Y'know, they forcefully cut you open and take the stuff you don't need in the way out of your body. I guess for some reason I felt compelled to get up and go to that classroom. I think I dread these every week things. They take a lot out of me, leaving my wall down and my forces vulnerable.

I've never really been good at opening up, and I really do try. Since various things have happened I try to stick to myself and not bothering anyone, though I know I do. I dread calling sometimes and sending messages, I dread walking up to someone and talking (even if I know them really well) and everything always results in me feeling all clumped inside.

To make matters worse, I regret ever giving up all the stuff I worked for after like 4 years just for some far fetched dream I just thought I might be decent at. But no, I was wrong. I suck. I don't know why I couldn't have just looked at myself and realize that but I learned it the hard way. At contest, people are gonna talk. And they're not gonna say good things. And yet, I'm powerless to stop it all.

I'm lost, stressed, and yet I can't even begin to cease this all.

I'm sorry you put up with me, you've always deserved so much better.