When Boredom Strikes.

thots

I'm watching Disney vlogs to get me happy for the upcoming trip but it just makes me think that my life is gonna be so different pretty soon. There's gonna be the three muddsketeers, I'll be in college, my relationship will hopefully get even better than it is now, I'll hopefully make some new friends, and things are gonna be so much better and just good.

But I know that it might not be. Things could go wrong and he'll hate me, I won't be able to afford college or I'll be dumb and flunk out, he'll hate me and things'll fall apart, no one will like me, and everything will be garbage.

I just want stability and normalcy. Yknow my friends called me today with a picture in the year book and my name on there was "Em Mudd" and they were just SO EXCITED for me it made me really happy. And then I cried on the way to work because other kids don't have to deal with this and make a fuss and I'm the problem child.

I wish I could be what everyone wants me to be and they could just see the real me before my life falls apart or they lose theirs. I just want people to like me for me and have things be okay. And it really makes me sad that it's my own fault I can't be liked.

mission failed, we'll get 'em next time