Guess the song!

SugaryNightmares: Muke

I should actually dedicate this to myself because I chose the song and ship, but I don't know if that's even possible, so I guess I won't.

First song one-shot, which I shall call one-songs from now on, go!

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Luke's POV:

Throwing my jacket to the ground, and not even bothering to kick my shoes off, I stomp into my crappy appartment, grumbling at how little space I have and the fact that I can't move properly in this narrow hallway.

Everything seems to be pissing me off right now.

I mean, I never thought that my hallway was crappy, or that the door leading towards it was too heavy and too dark blue. I never thought that the road from the bar to my home was too long, and that there were too many people walking down it. But right now, nothing is good anymore. Everything angers me.

Wildly, I stumble over to the couch, letting myself drop face-first onto it. My nose hurts a little when it collasps with the 'too thick' cushions, but actually, I deserve the pain. I'm the stupidest person on this planet. I'm a failure.

My own breaths make loud noises against the fabric of the couch, and it drives me absolutely crazy, so I turn around and lay down on my back, my legs dangling from the side of the couch and my eyes staring up at the too f*cking white ceiling.

I feel tired. The entire evening I've been standing against the wall, and my legs feel like they've turned into nothing but useless long rubber bands, quivering and shaking with every move I make. Closing my eyes, I want to see darkness, but instead a face pops up. Pale skin, dark lips, blue-greenish eyes that pull you in every time you take a look at them.

Groaning, I open my eyes again quickly, not wanting to see more. I can't do anything right. If only I wasn't that shy, and dared to do more, I wouldn't have been laying here right now, staring at the spots on this white ceiling. I should have done something. I should have made that move.

I squeeze my eyes shut, so tight that little spots start floating around in my vision, hurting my brain and making me feel even more tired than I already am. I don't sleep well anymore. Every night I lay awake, just thinking about that fact that I missed a chance again, that I let him go again. And I don't even know why. I just have the feeling that even though he's on my mind constantly, I'm not on his.

Trying to fall asleep, I let my breaths slow down and my mind wander. It's like I'm at that party again. The air smells like alcohol mixed with cigarettes and sweat, and there are flashing lights everywhere. Ofcourse he is standing in the middle, laughing, drinking, dancing with somebody else, while he had just been talking to me.

I'm so confused

Suddenly a familiar tune starts playing, and I sit up lazily, moving my hand to grab my phone out of my jeans' pocket. It takes me a while, because my jeans are too d*mn skinny, but when I finally manage to pull my phone out, I wish I didn't.

Calum's face is flashing on the screen, clarifying that I have an incoming call from him. I don't want to pick up, I really don't want to. But before I can decline his call, or maybe even throw my phone across the room, my thumb already clicked on the green button, making Calum's voice ring through the empty house.

"Luke, where are you? Have you left?" It sounds like he's almost shouting, trying to be louder than the music and the people in the background. I'm happy I'm here in the silence of my house, and not over there, in between the booming music and the screaming people. Rolling around until I'm on my stomach again, I groan out a reply. "I'm home."

It stays silent for a while. Well, not really silent, because there's still music and voices, but Calum isn't talking anymore. I try to figure out what kind of music is playing in the background, but all I hear is the heavy bass. Maybe it's Dark Horse. Does that song have a heavy bass? I try to remember what it sounds like, but I can't seem to concentrate. Oh well. 

"Is this because of Michael?"

My voice gets stuck in my throat. My heart stops. My tongue feels like it turns into lead. Only hearing his name makes me want to curl up into a ball and pull all of my hairs out already. I'm so frustrated with myself. Why didn't I do anything? Why didn't I at least say to him what I've wanted to say for so long?

"Maybe."

Calum sucks in a breath, and then lets it out slowly. I don't want to talk to him. I don't want his solutions or answers or whatever he's got to say. I know what he will tell me already.

"Luke, seriously, you know you're punching above your weight dude. Just come back here." Calum sounds a little annoyed with me now, as I can hear him fumbling with his phone and walking away from all the loud noises. Maybe he's going outside. Is he coming to get me? I don't want to go.

I know my friends are getting a little annoyed with me and my nervousness, but they're not the only ones. I'm irritating myself. I just wish that I made my move on Michael a long time ago, but I'm just too much of a coward to do it. I don't think I ever will.

Pressing my cheek deeper into my couch and letting my lips squash together until my breaths sound strange, I close my eyes tightly. "But Calum.."

I don't know what else to say. What is there to say? Do I tell him how I felt inside when Michael looked at me? Do I tell him that that boy is the only thing that's on my mind these days? Do I tell him that I wanted a kiss so badly? No. I don't. I don't tell him anything.

"See Luke, you have two options. One; you come back to the party and just have a fun time, two; you stay home and cry over the fact that Michael was dancing with somebody else. You can pick." I can still hear the music, but not as loud as it used to be anymore. The only other thing I hear are soft voices, so I guess Calum is standing outside right now.

"I guess I'll just go and cry in a corner then." I croak, my voice sounding weird and high, not the way I wanted it to sound like. Oh god, where has all my dignity gone? I probably cried it out.

Sighing, Calum shifts the phone again, making everything sound weird for a few seconds. "Okay, you go do whatever you feel like doing, mate, but I'll go back to the party again. See you tomorrow." He stays silent, giving me the time to say goodbye, but when I don't, he hangs up quickly, without saying a word. Crying in a corner seems pretty tempting now actually.

 I watch as the screen of my phone slowly turns darker, and finally turns black, leaving me alone in my thoughts again. And right now, my thoughts is the worst place to be. They wrap around me and push me deeper into the couch, making me want to choke my tears out. Not that I have any tears right now, but that only makes it even more difficult.

I should've known it. I should've known I would feel exactly this way right now. And the thing is, I could have prevented it. I could've just made a move instead of keeping standing against that d*mned wall. Grumbling, I push my face into the couch as deep as I can, and let out a scream, the loud noise being muffled by the cushions.

Why do I do this to myself? Or rather, why does Michael do this to me? I'm just so f*cking confused! One moment he's talking with me, almost the flirting, the second he's standing there, dancing with somebody else. But his eyes. I know he looks at me. I am sure that he was looking at me when he was dancing. And it might have been only a split second, but I felt it.

Does he feel the same way or is there somebody else on his mind, not leaving any place for me? I don't know. I don't understand. I want to understand.

If only I had kissed him.

I could've. He was literally standing a heartbeat away from me when we were talking. I fell quiet. He did too. I could feel his eyes looking at mine and noticed that he lowered the drink in his hand a little. He didn't lean in, so I didn't either. Just like I did all those other times. I let him go again.

But I could've leant in.

I should've.