Im tired n bored and i wanna talk to someone but everyone is sleeping, and wattpad has been so quiet lately. Also I'm like really fucken tired and like I really don't want to grow up and get all these responsibilities. Im fucking terrified. Like I just wanna eat unhealthy food and read fanfiction all day, not pay bills and work and get up early. Honestly I'm so worried.
I dont even know if I wanna go to school next year, or take a break. If I go tp school, I'm not sure what I want to study, and which school I want to go to.
Man I could really just settle with moving out to the countryside and avoid humanity, just living in my own world. I might do that.
Also me and my supposedly best friend doesnt talk very much anymore, and its like.. weird. I dont know why we dont, and it makes me sad. Like is there a reason I dont know about? She doesnt seem pissed or anything but yeah
I just want to drink hot chocolate and play in the snow while it is here, but I havent had time too. Also rn im really fucking sensitive, so like if i seem dramatic or something its just cause mood swings cause ive been stressed out and shit.
Also I am so fucking tired of myself. Im just stuck with myself, and it would be nice to switch to being like someone else. Like dude, I need a break from myself. I can get intense.
And I have this friend with really many mood swings and honestly i dont even know what the fuck is going on with us and our friendship, one second hes all friendly and the next pissed like shit. And like I have no fucking idea what to do and Urgh its all so compoicated and im so fucking done, but also im not cause i love the little fucker even though i dont want to cause hes a fuckinh idiot, but i guess im an idiot too for talking to him and giving him second changes. Like when i told him i was non binary and he said he was disgusted that he was attracted to me, and to leave him alone. I still forgave him. And when he said nigger and faggot are just words and he thinks he can use them however the fuck he pleases? Like, dude no. And then he goes and calles twenty one pilots twenty one faggots cause he thinks its "fun"?? Like dude that is my fucking favourite band urgh! Man im just so fucking pissed and hes so toxic but I cant just quit talking to him cause im scared helo hurt himself. Fuuuuck my life.
Damn this is almost 500 words, thats impressive considering i usually write like 60 in these spams. Im not even sure anyone will read it lol.
Im just so fucking pissed at everyone, I feel like im constantly trying to make people happy but im failing at that, and i feel like complete garbage. I dont even know if my new friends care about me? Thats just like paranoia and shit, but still its just fucking scary to actually have friends.
And I'm still so confused about this whole non binary thing. Like at first, when i first started doubting what I idemtify as, I was so certain I wasnt non-binary, but I had thoughts about me maybe being trans. But then I was like... why is non-binary not a possibility? And then I was like.
Omg yes thats it im non binary
And like some days I'm so sure of it, and then other days I'm not sure at all. Its a scary thought to come out to my family, not cause theie against the lgbtq+ community, but because I fee like its such a big change. Cause of pronouns like duaghter and sister and shit you know. Idek im just so confused and I just hate being comfused.
Dammmm I guess I really needed to rant. But these last weeks have been very stressful. Im so tired man,
I also want food... like thai. Thai food. Asian. Something spicy. Whithout meat cause i don eat meat.
Did I finally run out of things to rant about lol cause now i cant come up with something to say
