Her phone’s ring forced Kate out of a hazy fog. It was still dark out, the moon up instead of the sun. Who could be calling at this hour? she wondered. Blearily, she reached over to her nightstand to answer her phone. Her hand fell through air, jolting Kate into reality. Memories came crashing back, and suddenly the very warm, very fleshing mass behind her made sense. Castle’s body encircled her own, cocooning her, and arms draped across her midsection, her very shirtless midsection. Heat flashed through her as she realized exactly why she was shirtless and in Castle’s bed. And then fear and that overwhelming desire to run swept away any and all fuzzy feelings. And Castle wasn’t awake to be able to kiss away her panic. Slowly and carefully, Kate lifted Castle’s arm and slipped out from under it, placing it gently back to where her body had lain. Ignoring the sense of coldness that washed over both her body and her heart, Kate made her way to her cell phone. Which was out of his room and down the hall.
“Beckett,” she answered, not bothering to take the time to look at the caller ID.
“Hey, I got to come home earlier than I expected! I stopped at your place to surprise you, but you weren’t at home. Did you get called away on a case?” It was Josh. Kate let her head fall into her free hand, guilt consuming her body. Feeling naked in more than one way, Kate immediately dove for the nearest shirt and slipped it on, then busied herself with picking up her and Rick’s trail of clothes. Castle, she scolded, Damn it Kate, it’s Castle, not Rick.
“I – yeah,” Kate lied, suddenly realizing she hadn’t answered her boyfriend and seizing the easy answer he’d presented. “You know criminals, they don’t follow normal business hours. But I should be able to leave soon. Just a few more things to finish here.”
“Should I wait up?” Came his trusting response.
Kate swallowed and spoke through the lump in her throat. “No, I don’t know how long it’ll take. You never know what might come up at crime scenes.”
“Or routine surgeries,” Josh sympathized, “Alright, well be safe. I’ll see you later?”
“Yeah, later,” she replied, hoping to God she sounded brighter than she felt. They disconnected and Kate stood in Castle’s living room, her breath coming in short gasps. It was only then she looked to the clock. Just pass 2 AM. Kate wrapped the shirt tighter around her body, and then suddenly realized it was Rick’s. She was about to shuck it off when he spoke.
“Hey.”
Kate’s head whipped around and found him standing in his bedroom doorway, wearing only his jeans from the day before. And looking surprisingly well defined, though her body told her that she already knew that after sleeping on it for the better part of the night. Kate felt a small tremor of yearning pass through her at the sight of him, which brought Kate back to her predicament. What in God’s name had possessed her to stay with him? They hadn’t done anything, well not anything, but they hadn’t done something, and that something was much more important than the anything they had done. They’d kissed, no made out. Both in a parking lot and then again in Castle’s apartment. They hadn’t slept together, slept together, but the shame flooding Kate’s veins made her realize that cheating meant so much more than the act. She’d given herself to Castle, mentally and emotionally, if not physically. That’s the part of her that had cheated. That’s the part of her that hated everything that had happened.
Castle’s face had changed since he’d greeted her. What once had been a sleepy happiness at seeing her in his apartment, standing in his shirt had returned to the look he’d given her after she’d remembered her boyfriend’s existence. Castle righted himself off the doorframe and silently closed the distance between the two of them. Kate still couldn’t say anything.
