With Every Sin

Chapter Twenty

AN: Hey everyone. I want to apologize for not updating more. The love of my life and I are prepping for a big move. He's getting out of the Navy and we're moving from Hawaii back to the south. It's been super stressful and I haven't been dealing with that stress very well. Anywho, vote and comment. I hope you enjoy.

*ANDY'S POV*

Everything hurts. Every breath I take sends pain shooting through my body. I am willing my eyes to open. I have to get back to Emberly. She must be so worried. Try as I might to escape, I'm trapped in this purgatory.  I drift in and out of semi-consciousness. Sometimes, I can hear noises around me, like doctors and nurses talking, the machines humming or beeping, the sound of a gurney being wheeled down the hall. Other times, it's like I'm all alone in the darkness, no one or nothing around for miles. It's the times when I am alone in the isolated blackness that I feel like I'm actually getting rest. The pain is lessened and I'm able to find some sliver of comfort. 

Time is irrelevant. I have no idea how long I've been in this state. I don't know if it's been days, weeks, years. Panic is starting to get the better of me and I can't stay like this. With everything I have left, I force my eyes open.

The lights above me are painful. I lift my arms to shield my sensitive eyes, bringing all sorts of wires and tubes with them. The pinch of an IV tube causes me to straighten my arm. I do a quick mental assessment of my body. As far as I can tell, I am hooked to multiple machines and tubes. Wires and electrodes decorate my body. I can feel a urinary catheter snaking between my legs. That will be so much fun to have removed. NOT. The ventilator and feeding tube definitely don't escape my notice either. 

My hand clumsily searches for the control panel that should be connected to the side of the bed. After awkwardly flopping around for a bit, I manage to find it and bring it up into my line of sight. I press the nurse call button, which requires a surprising amount of strength. 

It isn't long before a familiar face appears at the door, wearing an expression of relief. 

          "Andy, it's so fucking good to see you with your eyes open. Let me do a quick exam and then we can get the ventilator taken out, okay?" Dr. Purdy says, pulling his stethoscope from around his neck as he talks. I nod slightly, making sure not to irritate the tubes further. "This may feel a little cold." He informs me as the round disk finds its mark on my chest. I can't help the shiver my body gives upon contact. Ashley records my vitals in my chart and then comes back to my side. I stare into his face, noting the sadness and stress lines that are telling me that there's something he isn't saying. I grunt at him, impatient to have the tubes going into me removed. He smirks slightly and nods. 

          "Alright, you know the drill. Blow out on my count." He orders. I nod. "One, two..." I blow air against the tube and feel it slip out of my mouth. 

           "Take out the others." My normally deep voice is hoarse and quiet. Ashley complies and soon, I'm only left with my IV, blood pressure cuff, and the electrodes monitoring my heart rate. I run my hand through my greasy hair, trying to collect my thoughts. 

          "Where is Emberly?" I want to know. Ashley freezes, his face momentarily panicked. "Ashley. Where is she?" He returns to my side. 

          "Andy, I'm so sorry. She collapsed yesterday. She signed a DNR." He is quiet and I think I see a tear make its way down his face.

          "Is she-is she dead?" I feel like I can't breathe. He shakes his head slightly.

          "She's in a medically induced coma. Scans show that the surgery left behind residual swelling that's not going down. She was very clear in that she didn't want any extreme measures." He sounds almost angry. 

        "Can you bring her out of the coma? I need to talk to her." I don't try to fight the tears flowing down my face. Ash nods and helps me into a wheelchair. We enter Em's room to find that she has a few visitors. Jinxx and CC sit on either side of her bed, each holding one of her hands. Jake is standing in the corner, staring at his feet. Ashley clears his throat making our presence known. Everyone jerks their attention to us, their faces light up when they see me. 

       "Andy! You're awake! Oh my god, dude. Are you okay?" Jinxx is the one to speak. I smile a subdued smile and nod. 

        "Okay, guys. Andy has requested that we bring Emberly out of the coma. He deserves the chance to talk to her. When she comes to, she's going to be in a lot of pain because of the swelling. Andy, you'll need to make this conversation quick, okay?" He parks my wheelchair right by her head. I nod, preparing myself. 

Ashley quickly preps the injection that will bring Emberly back to me. The others gather on the opposite side of the bed from me, waiting. The drug is injected into her IV line and almost immediately, she begins to stir. Jinxx is standing at the ready in case he needs to hold her down. Her grey eyes fly open, and her perfect face contorts in agony. 

          "Em, look at me!" I coax her attention to my face. I see the shock register in her eyes. "I know it hurts baby. I can make it stop, but first I need you to verbally revoke the DNR you signed and give me power of attorney. Let me save you, dammit." I tell her. She nods. 

         "Tear it up, please. Andy don't let me die, please." She cries. 

          "Okay. I won't, I promise you." I caress her face as Ashley puts her back under. Her hand which had been gripping mine slowly goes limp and she is once again comatose. She is fitted with a ventilator tube by a couple of nurses and Ash offers to take me back to my room. I gladly accept.

          "How am I going to save her?" I ask.

          "I'll do some research. I've heard of some clinical trials that are having some decent success with cancer treatments." Ashley informs me. "We are going to save her. I promise."

          "I owe her, Ashley." I admit.

           "What do you mean?" He is curious.

           "She saved me first. She brought me back to life and helped me rediscover why life is worth living. I can't let her die." 

I won't let her die.