Journals [j.b]

What's hatnin'?

Arguin' won't fix the problem. Talk with me, baby we can solve it.

Justin

The next morning I wake up alone. My hands search for Blaze' body but all I find is cold sheets.

I stand up and take a blanket with me to cover up when I walk downstairs to look for her. "Blaze?"

No one answers but as soon as I enter the kitchen I see a plate of pancakes on the table and a little note beside it. I ignore the pancakes and grab the note.

Thank you for my second chance but it's unfair to lead you on. I need some time to figure out how I feel and I need to do that alone. I hope you understand. - Blaze

At first I can't move. I just stand there with the stupid note she left me and can't stop staring at it. She must be joking. She came to me yesterday.

I realize that I've crumbled up the note into a little ball in my hand and I throw it on the floor before heading back up to my room to get changed. She can't just show up here, have sex with me, and then leave with only a note as an explaination.

*

I knock hard on her parents' front door and it only takes a few seconds before she opens. "Why did you come here?"

"What do you think? That you can just leave like that without saying anything?" I ask angrily.

Blaze looks down. "It was easier that way."

"Well, guess what? Life isn't always easy."

She rolls her eyes and it makes me even more angry. She steps aside and motions for me to come in. "I'm home alone and I don't want our neighbours to see. They can be really judging."

I enter and walk passed her into the living room. The tv is on with an episode of some stupid show that she loves to watch. She comes in a few seconds after me with her arms crossed over her chest. She looks at me as if she's waiting for me to say something. "What the hell was that? Leaving a note saying that you need to figure some things out? Couldn't you have thought about that before last night? Before you came to me that was finally starting to feel like a normal human being again!" I yell angrily.

"I've had a hard time too!" She tries to defend herself but I'm not having it.

"Yeah, but I didn't come back to you to have sex and then leave!"

Her eyes go wide. "Justin, I... That's not why I came back to you. Please, don't ever think that I'd use you."

"You wouldn't? 'Cause it sure felt like it! You said you wanted to give this a second chance, then you leave. You even made me pancakes!" I keep walking back and forth in the little living room and trying to not rip my hair from the roots

Blaze also starts looking frustrated and throws her hands up in the air. "I made a mistake! I had a weak moment and thought that it would be best to just give up and go back to you. When I woke up I realized how stupid and mean that was so I left!"

"That was mean? I woke up and you were just gone!"

"I need some time to think and get over you, Justin! Can you please give that to me?" She yells.

I can feel the blood boil in my veins and take a step closer to her. "I tried to move on from you and then you showed up and made that impossible. Don't fucking tell me to give you time to move on when you were the one that came crawling back."

"I asked you if you wanted to try again! For fucks sake, Justin. This isn't all on me. I know you want to blame everything on me right now and I know I messed up but you could've told me to leave. And yes, I came crawling back to you. I'm not made of stone and I've missed you like crazy. Just like you drove all the way from LA to be with me when I called you in Vegas."

Her eyes seem to have darkened and I don't like it. My anger is slowly fading and replaced with sadness. She's right. I know she wouldn't use me for sex, that this isn't all her fault and that we've both made mistakes. Suddenly I don't feel like fighting anymore. I want to fix everything so we can be together again because no matter how many songs I write about her I will never get over her completely. She will always be my Blaze.

"Tell me how we can fix this."

She looks suprised by my sudden soft tone but recovers quickly. "No, Justin. You're right. I shouldn't have come last night. It was stupid but then you come here acting as if I've used you which I never would. It actually kind of hurts that you would think that about me! I'm not a heartless bitch!"

"I know, baby."

"Oh, fuck off! Baby? Really? I can't fucking deal with you sometimes!"

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean-"

"Why are you apologizing? Why aren't you yelling at me anymore? Why do you have to be so nice? It so fucking annoying!" She yells. I have to bite my lip to stop myself from smiling and she notices. "Oh, you think it's funny? Honestly, Justin. Kiss my ass. I am so done. 100 fucking precent. Fuck y-"

I interrupt her by pressing my lips to hers like she did to me last night. For a second she's kissing me back but then a moan escapes her lips and it's as if that little sound brings her back down to earth and she quickly pulls away. I can't help but grin like an idiot.

"What the hell are you doing?" She asks horrified.

I roll my eyes and I know it annoyes her even more. "Look, I don't want to fight with you so just call me when you can talk. Okay?"

She hesitates for a second before nodding. I smile and lean in to give her a quick peck on the lips, leaving her looking really confused but I just keep smiling. Then I leave the house to go back to my place.

Blaze

What the hell just happened? We went from yelling at each other to kissing. I don't know what've gotten into us. Something I'm sure of though is that I have some things to figure out.

I walk in to the kitchen to get a glass of water and something to eat. When I pass the window I spot a grown man sitting in the bushes outside my garden with a huge camera pressed to his face. I'm guessing he saw Justin leaving and I can count on that those pictures will be all over the internet by noon, but it actually doesn't bother me too much.

I don't know if it'll take hours or days, but when I've figured everything out I'll call Justin.

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- L