Goddamn Tragedy

IX

A pair of sad blue eyes stared at him before his eyes opened.

He jolted upright. His skin was on fire and his pulse was racing. He glanced to his left and saw the bed empty beside him. Not that he had expected anything else.

He brought a hand to his damp face and let out a panting breath as he fell back against the pillows. The sun was barely making its way into his room but it didn't make him feel much of anything. He still felt in the darkness.

He closed his eyes and saw her face. Her perfect face that looked at him so hopefully for that one split second. He hated how his heart raced once he saw her standing in his apartment. She was in one of those fancy dresses again and she never looked more out of place than she did standing in the middle of his living room.

Her eyes had locked with his and despite the excitement and the passion flowing through his veins, his first instinct was to get her away. So very far away from where he was. To protect her from the monster he knew he was.

He couldn't even remember the girl that he had his arm wrapped around because once she was in the room, nothing mattered. He couldn't live like that. He wasn't what she wanted and he knew it. And somewhere along the line she would too.

He had pushed her away and he almost chased after her because of the look she casted him. She looked so sad. She looked so disappointed.

It was better this way. Well, that's what he kept telling himself.

He opened his eyes and rubbed at them with the bottom of his palms before he sat up and tossed his legs over the side of the bed. The ground was cold. He swam in the feeling.

He brought a hand through his hair as he made his way out of his bedroom with a yawn on his lips. He heard music playing softly from the kitchen as he made his way toward it. He felt a small smile make its way toward his face as he saw Octavia spin around as she cleaned up the kitchen.

He yawned once more before he picked up a spare garbage bag and started to throw cups into the bag. No matter what kind of night they had before, Octavia always cleaned up the next day right at the crack of dawn. At first it bothered him but when he asked her why she did it, she shrugged and she said, "I want our home to be nice".

He gathered a routine as he threw cup after cup into the garbage bag. He heard Octavia sigh behind him and he waited for it. Images of Octavia coming up to him the night before asking him if he was alright flashed before his eyes. He was the one usually asking her that.

"You can't run away from everything, Bellamy." Her voice was softer than usual but the harsh tone was still implied. He turned to her but her back was to him as she continued to throw plastic cups into a garbage bag.

"I'm not running away from anything." He didn't even believe the words coming out of his mouth and he didn't even need to see her to guess the look on her face.

He thought about hours earlier. How he was suddenly thinking about her and how she showed up out of nowhere. Her skin looked soft and the look on her face was one that had already started to haunt him, if his dreams were any recollection. He wanted so badly to follow her out but he didn't.

He wasn't worth the risk.

He knew it and she would know it soon enough. They always did. His father knew he wasn't worth anything. His mother dropped him at the drop of the hat. A girl like Clarke Griffin would drop him before the leaves changed color.

"The course of true love never did run smooth." He glanced at the pair of green eyes suddenly facing him. She offered a smile that he hadn't seen in years. "It's Sh-."