A LETTER TO THE MAN I LOVE THE MOST, JEON JEONGGUK
Today, I give up.
Baby, forgive me but this time I give up. Forgive me for I cannot bear the pain longer. Forgive me for I cannot hold onto our promises anymore. Forgive me for I give up into us and turn it back to how it used to be; you and me.
I am currently swimming into the pool of our memories, letting myself be drowned. I was slowly devoured by pain making me whimper everytime I remember how much we loved each other. The loneliness, little by little, is piercing into my skin, digging in 'till it release a familiar crimson red fluid. From my arms, down to wrist, to my palm-- the ones you once hold tightly and lastly to our ring; our promise ring. Our promise ring that is decorated by my own blood, just like our love story that is decorated with your beautiful lies. Your words seems like a plain word-- empty. Not the words that carry your feelings into it.
I was fed up with your lies and all I want to do now is to vomit. I want to get up into your oceanic arms and dry my soaked body. I want to dress myself into something that can say I am okay now. I want you out of my system. I like myself getting clothed by my own happiness and not by the ones you're giving me.
Darling, Forgive me for I blame you into my sorrow, my pain. No one is at fault but myself as I let you enter my haven and let you do whatever you want. I let you ruin every part of me. And now, I am letting you go without me, letting you fix me. It hurts to not have you around but what hurts more is you not getting bothered by my goodbyes. You, not asking if I wanted to be fix by you. You, saying take care while waving at me, smiling from ear to ear as you wait for me to depart.
Forgive me as I shed a tear even though I insisted this. Forgive me as I am still hoping for you to hug and beg me not to leave. Forgive me as I ended our story that is not a love story, but not my feelings for you. Forgive me for giving up instead of fighting for you.
Lastly, forgive me for giving up but still madly in love with you. Baby, I love you. Goodbye Jeongguk.
- Taehyung.
Jeongguk read for the third time for the day as he sat on the pavement of their once shared apartment. He left. Taehyung left five months ago yet Jeongguk felt like it was always a newly open wound.
He stood up and made his way to a familiar alley. The place wherein bunch of lonely people spend the rest of their nights hoping to be cured even if it is just for a mere second, the bar. It was like a daily routine. He will go to the bar, passed out, then wake up to his room without having any ideas how the fuck he went home safe. He could care less.
"Taehyung, I'm sorry." was Jeongguk's last words as he passed out making the bartender shook his head.
"Taehyung! Go get your ex-boyfriend. Stop hiding you fucker." The bartender yelled and Tae uttered an apology and thank you.
"Cowards" He tsked then continue on mixing alcohols.
xxx
henlo.
