The Becoming of Ocean Wilde

o n e

o c e a n

Well here's a small fact:

I'm going to die.

The doctors told me.  And it's true. I even have the doctors note to prove it and all.

When I found out, so did the rest of my small town, the gossip spreading like wild-fire. I never really had any close friends here anyway, me being the 'weird adopted' child that came in the middle of Year 10. No one really paid attention to me. I was fine. That was exactly how I liked it.

Until the doctors told me my cancer had come back.

Three weeks later after being off from school 'sick,' I went back. But this time it was different. Everywhere I went, there were whispers. Even the teachers were at it. I wasn't invisible anymore, and was avoided like the plague, occasionally approached by someone with an 'I'm sorry.' One time I even got flowers and a box of chocolates! That's not the worst part, though, the worst part was their pity. Their pitying stares, their pitying looks, their pitying words. It's as if the two words 'I'm sorry ' would miraculously heal me, or something.

Each time I would count. Each time someone would say sorry, that is. I snapped at the 157th. I was in the cafeteria at the time, eating a cheese sandwich, alone. Yes, it sounds sad, but that's how I preferred it.The loud conversations of the surrounding teenagers was almost deafening. Each and every blue and white bench by the tables filled up. Except for the ones by me.Suddenly I felt a light touch on my shoulder. I flinched anyway, regardless of how 'soft' it was- an old reflex. Looking up I saw a boy. I think he was new here but then again. I don't pay much attention to my surroundings. I watched as he slowly opened and closed his mouth, kinda like a fish, unsure what to say. He finally made up his mind and spoke. " I-I'm sorry. "

And just like that I snapped. Scraping my chair loudly against the tiled floor I jumped up.

"Sorry? Sorry?! Will 'sorry' take away my pain?! Will 'sorry' take away my cancer?! Would ' sorry' even do anything, but remind me of the pain I go through every single day?! No. No it wouldn't. So please take your sorrys and give them to someone who wants your pity. "

I had realised at this point that the cafeteria was silent. That was worst than the never-ending chatter- you never knew what anyone was thinking. It is when it is silent that I remember. Silence gives me time to think. And that was the last thing I wanted to do right now. I looked at each and everyone of their faces, the faces of the people that should've been my friends, should've helped me and welcomed me. Not treated my like an outcast. Some kind of freak.

That day I left the school disgusted.

And I will never look back.