First Love |Yoonkook|✔️

Chapter 20

Yoongi

"Yoon..." Jungkook suddenly said. We were currently sat on my couch watching whatever was on the screen, it was some cheesy romance that could probably never come true.

"Yes?" I looked at him as I stuffed a chip into my mouth. He smiled at me and leaned over, taking a chip from my bag. "Mine!" I pouted and hugged the bag and turned away from him.

"How did you find out that you were in love with Jimin?" Jungkook asked, causing me to choke on the chip dramatically.

"What?" I asked him with wide eyes.

"I'm asking for- So that I can't write better lyrics for songs." He looked away and sighed. "I've never- I don't know... what it's like."

So he has never been in love?

I sighed once I realized that he was actually curious about it. Although I really don't want to explain the feelings I had for Jimin, I can't help but think about how much it's changed for me. The things I once felt for Jimin are no longer.. felt towards him anymore.

"Being in love with someone.. It can have its ups and downs, Kookie." I laughed with no humor in my voice. "When you love someone, you want to keep them for forever. You won't be afraid to trust them, and it all just comes naturally. You would do anything for them, whether it's risky or not." I said and looked down with a small frown.

We sat there for what felt like ages before Jungkook finally looked up at me. He stared at me for a moment and then looked to the other side of the room, away from me.

  "Jungkook.." I tried to move closer to get him to finally look at me again, but he remained in his position. "Hm?" He let out quietly.

  "Why did you really ask me that?" I asked him. I knew he was asking for a specific reason, and my heart stopped at the thought of Jungkook being in love with someone.

  I didn't even really notice that he had talked to any girls here recently, so I thought it was okay for my little heart to start feeling things for him. Guess I was wrong once again.

  He turned around and looked at me slowly, his eyes held confusion and a slight tint of uneasiness. Oh no, did I ask too much..?

  "I think I'm in love." Jungkook suddenly said as he looked down into my eyes with his big brown doe ones. My heart dropped to the floor at those words, causing my eyes to shut and head to fall slowly along with it.

  I laughed lightly to try to drop the tenseness in my shoulders and heart. It didn't work; if anything, it made it so much worse.

  "T-That's good, Kookie." I said, my voice hoarse and sounding like a cry for help.

  I wanted him to tell me that he was joking about being in love with some girl that I didn't know about. I want him to hug me and cheer me up with his words, not make me hate myself for not being suitable for him.

  I wish it was me.

  "Y-You know what?" I said and stood up quickly, not looking at Jungkook. "I have to take a shower, I-I'm going somewhere. Be careful on the way.. across the hall.." I said before running into the bathroom and locking the door before crying softly into my sleeve.

——

Jungkook

  He doesn't like me.

  I should've known better than to listen to a complete stranger. I should've known better than to listen to Taehyung as well..

  "I knew it!"  Tae had said. "It's about time! You two are totally in love. Go tell him or else I will."  He pushed me out of his door, so I had made my way to Yoongi's apartment.

  I should've known better than to listen to anyone, but I honestly thought Yoongi liked me back. I didn't expect him to run away. He probably only thinks of me as a friend so he bailed before I could confess..

  I'm so stupid.

  To think that Yoongi would like me.. hah. He hated me for months, why would he fall for me? Why did I fall for him? I thought I was straight. I mean sex is good and all but.. I've never been in love before. Not with a girl.

  I've never felt this way.. ever. I know that Yoongi has gotten his first love before but I haven't. I'm new to these feelings. I'm new to wanting to protect someone and wanting to be there for them to rant to or have a shoulder to lean on. I've never wanted to just hold someone and tell them how much they mean to me while kissing their face.

  But I can't. Not with Yoongi. He doesn't love me. God damnit, why is love a thing? How do I know if this is even actually love?

  I just.. I know it is. I've felt it all along, I've felt it ever since.. ever since the first time he smiled, ever since the first time he looked at me with looks that nobody had ever given me before.. And I knew I was seriously jealous at that party, and I couldn't let him have sex with that piece of shit guy because I wanted him.

  I've always wanted to get closer to him and protect him. I've always wanted him, but I just couldn't get past the fact that I was confused.

  I had always- most certainly knew my sexuality. I never felt feelings for any girls, I merely used them for my own needs, but I just didn't know that sexuality was beyond that.

  I fucking love him.

  "I love you.." I whispered to myself. I smiled in relief that I was finally admitting it out loud, but then sighed with a frown forming. "Maybe one day you may feel the same way.."

  I stood up and left Yoongi's apartment, not wanting to bother him anymore than I already have in the past and present.

  What the hell have I done?

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Next chapter may be long

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