The Sharpest Shards of Glass

Chapter 2: A Different Message

"It's strange," Eicca said as he lay on his bed. "How he was acting today."

Mikko sat in the big cushoned chair beside his bed, lounging. "Tell me what he was doing."

Eicca sat up with a peculiar look on his face. "He acted like he suddenly cared. Perttu never cares. He walked past a person getting jumped, I've seen him do it. Then today, he asks me if I was okay. I don't know what this is," he huffed, plopping back down on the bed.

Mikko, paying more attention to the book in his hands, raised his eyebrows. "Maybe he wants to start caring. Taking action."

Eicca bit on his thumbnail in thought. "Maybe...but a person doesn't just change overnight. Yesterday, when those two pieces of fuck pulled my hair out, he glanced my way and went about his business. I was merely poked in the back and neck today - now it's a big deal?" He grunted and rolled his eyes. "I don't understand people," he glanced at Mikko, who was reading his book with ferocity. "I don't understand how you can do this job and still have your sanity in tact."

"Patience, my child. Patience."

"Which is something I don't have a lot of. I don't know what's going on and I don't know why I'm so worried about it."

"Maybe it's because you care," Mikko implied, setting his book on his lap.

Just like that, the sentence cut through his thoughts and defenses like a fucking knife. What if he did care? It never actually came to a front with him, but now that Mikko said it, he thought about all the times he had been worried about Perttu. Sometimes he wondered if he was ever going to kill himself. Sometimes he wondered how he would feel when someone threw a sharp remark at him. A lot of times he wondered how he felt in general. He wondered about the thoughts that would run through his mind as he passed a person in need and he wondered if he ever thought at all.

So, basically, Eicca did care.

"I...I guess I do. People who are quiet like he is worry me," Eicca confessed, biting his lip. He played with the ends of his hair. What if Perttu knew that he cared? Is that why he was being generous?

The knock on the door jolted him from his thoughts and he sighed as he stood to answer. He heaved an even bigger sigh when he saw that it was just new mail.

He never threw away the hate mail his family sent him. He liked that they still acknowledged his existence. He told Mikko about it when he first saw that he was keeping the mail - and he had loads of it. He got 15 hate letters from his family on his first day at college.

He flet numb as he went through all of the letters. He always looked to see who it was from so he could understand the amount of hate he was getting before setting to the side to read later.

But this time he saw something different when he was handed his package of letters.

On the top, he saw that his name was written in nice cursive letters, big and wide, on an envelope.

Frowning, he stepped back inside and sat on the edge of his bed, taking the top letter. 

Mikko sighed unnoticeably and picked his book back up. He hated it when Eicca read the letters and Eicca could understand that. He just felt like he needed to know that his family knew he existed, even if it wasn't done nicely.

"It's different this time," Eicca said, knowing what his friend was thinking.

"How?" Mikko asked in a tight voice.

"When I receive my letters, my name is never written on it. It's always something else other than my name. Never written nicely, either. This one has my name in nice, cursive lettering, so..."

Being the nosey friend he was, Mikko rushed to his side and abandoned his book as he let it fall to the floor. Eicca tore it open and let the handwritten letter be slipped out luxuriously and carefully. This was the first time ever that he got something different from hate mail. Ever. 

Eicca Toppinen,

   I guess I should thank you for everything right now. I know you're wondering what it is that you did for derseving my thank you and I'll just inform you now: you helped me. Even though you're really quiet and first chair and a loner, you helped me. Whenever I see you with Mikko, smiling that smile I rarely (never) ever get to see when he's not around, it just lights up my whole day. You may not know it, but you mean the world to me. I think about you when I'm by myself. You kind of save me from my thoughts., I should say. Even though you don't say anything at all to me, you're still wonderful. Sometimes, even when I don't mean to, I overhear your conversations with Mikko and you're pretty funny. You have a wonderful laugh, by the way. And I don't like to see you so worried about everone when everyone treats you like shit. You don't deserve it - you're too amazing for that kind of treatment. I think about you too often. Especially the way you play your cello. You don't really see me in the building, but I'm there. And I stare at you the whole time whenever I get the chance. You're beautiful to me. I hope this hasn't made me sound like a pedophile or someone creepy.

                                                                                                                                              Sincerly,

                                                                                                                                    Your Secret Admirer

Eicca stared at the love letter for approximately 10 minutes while Mikko had the widest smile on his face. 

Mikko smirked. "Looks like you've got a little crush on your hands."

Eicca stared blankly at the letter and then shouted, "What? What is this? Is some kind of sick, twisted joke? Who in the actual fuck would want to take the time to tell me something like this? Everyone hates me. Everyone. Not only am I a loner and "flawless fuck", but I'm bisexual. That's not a very good combination if you ask me," he shook the paper. "This has got to be a joke. I'm not even a good person, so what makes person think I'm great?"

Mikko blinked and shook his head. "Whoa, hold on. You can stop right there, Eicca. You are a wonderful person and what your admirer said about you was 100% true to me. It was accurate. You're a great person. Why do you have me?"

Eicca scowled at him. "Because you're my therapist and only friend."

"Exactly. I am your friend. I understand that you don't like anybody, but I'm sure that if you ever gave it a try, you would have a lot more friends right now. I'm not saying it's your fault that everyone hates because it definitely isn't, but I'm just htinking that if everyone got to know, you would have a crowd."

"That's the thing, though. I don't want a crowd. I don't really want anybody, but you, as my friend. I'm honestly just comfortable with one friend. And I would be a lot more comfortable if everyone just stopped bothering me."

Mikko nodded. "Entirely understandable. Aything else you want to tell me about?Any guesses oin who your admirer is?"

Eicca shook his head lay back down on his bed. "Your guess is as good as mine."