The Sharpest Shards of Glass

Chapter 3: The Persistent Admirer

Eicca chewed his lips as he stared at his music, not being able to focus because his mind was wandering somewhere else. Specially to his admirer.

He simply couldn't believe someone was admiring him, loving him from afar. He wanted so badly to believe this was real, but he just felt like this person was screwing with him and his feelings. Don't get him wrong, the letters touched him to his very core and warmed his heart, but he still had that dark, nagging thought that this person wasn't serious and was just messing with him because they could. He didn't like that thought, but it was one of the things he worried about when it came to being the loner on college grounds. 

He hadn't realized that he was staring at the same note for about five minutes and that he hadn't moved his bow at all, so you can imagine how surprised he was when Perttu tapped his shoulder. He nearly jumped out of his skin and turned to him with narrowed, confused eyebrows. "What?"

Perttu frowned slightly, but his entire face was unreadable. "You're okay?"

Eicca blinked and nodded. It had been a couple of weeks after he had gotten the first letter and Perttu's actions had been altering by then. If there was ever a problem with Eicca, he would be the one to ask him if he was okay or alright. If Eicca was staring off into space: "Are you alright?" If Eicca was getting bullied: "You okay? You didn't deserve that." If Eicca was simply biting his lip: "Everything alright?" There was never really a moment where Perttu wasn't worrying about Eicca. Eicca found it quite suspicious and quite...endearing. Sweet. But even as the weeks went by with his nice gestures, Eicca still wasn't used to it. He was only used to two people being friendly towards him and that was his conductor and Mikko.

Eicca was staring at him for a while, taking in his appearance. His long black hair that ran the length of his back had a white streak in it. Well. He never noticed that. The beard surrounding his nice and thin mouth seemed to fit him perfectly - and Eicca never liked facial hair on men, not even on himself. He trailed up all the way to his eyes. That was what caught most of his attention.

Slightly thin hazel eyes, all traces of emotions looking to be barren. Perttu simply looked bored and threatening in his own special way and Eicca felt like he was trespassing his boundaries, even when there wasn't any. He felt like he was invading on all things personal to him.

He looked away, but found himself wanting to look into his eyes again. He knew that he said there was barely any emotion there, he saw something. He looked up again and he caught it. Well, actually, he caught multiple things. Care. Devotion. Want. Pain. Hurt. All of it in one flash of vulnerability in his eyes.

He looked away quickly when Perttu noticed him. What he had just seen scared him slightly. He wasn't supposed to see that. He knew he wasn't supposed to see that, but he did.... And Perttu was staring straight at him...

All of it hit him like a ton of fucking bricks and he struggled to contain his oncoming gasp.

Perttu Kivlaakso, supposedly the rebel and the son of the owner of the college grounds, was his secret admirer, of all people.

He looked back up at him and was thankful that he was focusing profoundly on his music. He couldn't rap it around his brain. Perttu Kivilaakso is practically in love with me. Perttu Kivilaakso is my secret admirer. 

The harsh thump to the back of his head brought him back to reality and he lifted a hand to rub the spot, only to have his hair pulled. He cried out and ducked forward in an effort to keep his distance from the two pieces of fuck behind him. He knew their names were Max and Antero, but he didn't like to really consider them by their names because they didn't deserve it, like he didn't deserve to be bullied.