confused

Confused;chapter 3

Chapter #3(

old event)
*both characters are guys*
(more information on Finn and Arthur) *(mostly Finn)*
Characters:
Finn(name changed, not his real name)
Arthur (name also changed, not his real name)

Let's start with all the tea on "Finn" and just the whole situation with him for now.

Okay so to try and clear things up, I've had serious feelings for Finn since 6th grade but we've never dated. Like by serious I mean I wanted him to be my first kiss and all that. I would literally daydream about him.Which is woah, I know. My 6th grade self was ew.

So anyway I used to get upset that he's had so many failed relationships with other girls but didn't wanna date me.(*its present day ci, so someone else has my attention right now. So everything is different now. But I know this sounds sad and depressing but O well. Back to the story*)

  When I ask him why he didn't date me, he had a different answer everytime. His most recent answer is that he thinks we wouldn't last.

But I was bold and said "it would've been different with me". And I ended up getting all bitter and was like "how do you know for sure".

Which is valid because he isn't a psychic or anything so how would he know if we would last or not. So that made me mad.

So I've had a crush for Finn since 6th grade, basically since we first started talking. But I thought he wouldn't have feelings for me ever and in 6-7th I would get super sad over it. I've cried over him many MANY times,while he cried over another girl.(smh.)

It was so annoying tbh. It's like no matter what happened, him and I would always be together but in a friend way of course. (nah)

No matter the arguments, mistakes, agreements, and disagreements it seemed like I had to have him in my life or things just aren't okay.

(*present say ci* Which is now changed of course and you'll see why)

And the thing is, I don't want to have to have someone in my life who's as toxic as he is to feel complete.

It's just so dumb. We've been in a lot of arguments as well over the past 3 years that we've known each other.

He calls the arguments "stupid" and thinks we should forget them. But I'm a "forgive but don't forget" Kinda person.

He's hurt me a lot in the past also. Not Abusively or anything like that. But he's become fake and ended up talking smack about me, stopped being friends with me for his current girlfriend(who he broke up with recently lol) because her and I had major beef, and etc.

But he's like an addiction in way. Like him and I would go a few months without talking and I would be so sad some days because I would think it's my fault we aren't talking.(*present day ci* him and I aren't speaking now and I don't intend on us speaking again).

But it's his fault and I've told him that repeatedly but he tries to make me feel guilty.

He's always like "ugh see I'm a horrible friend" Or "this is why we shouldn't talk".

He's just so toxic and it's so annoying. But don't worry guys I've stopped talking to him for now. So I'll let you guys know how it goes. In the next chapter im gonna talk about Arthur. So grab your mugs kiddies.

*end of chapter 3*
hey guys, how was today's chapter?
I'll be talking more about Arthur in the next Chapter:)

PSA:Finn is the guy I've known since 6th(im in 8th right now), Arthur is the guy ive met this year in 8th grade.