Jane

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"There wasn't  a single kiss passed between us,  not a single graze of my hand on your skin, and not a single word spoken,  yet somehow it was the most intimate moment I've  ever shared with anyone" Ryan's  text ticks of on my my brightly lit screen. I'm  thankful  for Ryan , i really  am,  but sometimes  i really  believe  that he deserves  more,  i can't  help but feel like he gives  his all to me yet I'm  still keeping  so much from him. We've  been together  for 3 months now and that text was referring to the very first time we met,  at the football game my uncle matt took us to , i had too much to drink, you could say and so eventually  I passed out, he found me in the girl's  bathroom  after an hour of the " looking for the drunk girl" hunt and we've  been  inseparable  ever since.
How could you love  someone  so much,  yet you don't  want to give away your all just yet. Strange isn't it?  Love.
The first class of the day was calculus. hell was an understatement  to the hell that Miss  Ravenscroft put us through. But one of the many reasons  i love  this lady is because  she's  fearless and can make anyone do whatever she desires and you'd  still be surprised  by how calm she is.
Ryan picks me up at 2:45pm everyday but since he's  planning  to take me on a date  later on tonight  he decides  to head out early  so we have enough  time to get ready.
"hey, " Ryan  says as he wraps his arm around  my waistline.
"so where  exactly  are we going? " I ask observantly wanting  to know what I'm  expected to wear tonight.
"dress pretty,its a surprise," he casually  blurts out as he cups my face into his hand and gently kisses me. I can feel his heart hammering  against  my chest and it causes my own heart to try and outrace his,  he pulls away,  gasping for air.
"wow, " he states  breathlessly  while exhaling.  I shoot him quite a triumphant look then climb into the Jeep.
"don't  you ever wonder  what your mother was like? " he nervously insists on asking questions  about my mom. I hesitate at first but usually  end up giving  in.  His face.  I can't  explain  it.
"all  the time, " I remark. Death is inevitable right? If a person goes missing for 17 years , doesn't  that just means that they aren't  coming back?
My father called me this morning  to wish me a happy  birthday,  i haven't  seen him since he moved  in  with yet another  one of his girlfriends. What  did my mom see in him? The one thing  i still can't  quite wrap my head around.  Wasn't  matt supposed to protect her from getting  hurt? I think to myself. Things can get very cryptic  in this family.
"we're  here,  I'll pick you up at 5 be ready! "Ryan shouts excitedly.
"okay, " i say as i kiss him on the cheek and escort myself  out of the car.
I wonder what she's  up to if she's  alive,  my mind keeps asking. I sigh and enter the house  to start getting  ready.

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