where wings can fall

kasie

(2 years prior to leaving)

It's  so hard to leave , until you leave. And then it is the easiest goddamned thing in the world. I didn't  leave because  i wanted to,  i left because  i had to. Wes was abusive , i knew he loved me ever so dearly but whatever drug he was on had completely  got to him and destroyed him both mentally  and physically,  i keep telling  lesley he cheats on me when in fact all he does is lay his hands on me.  My Mother  died early so i didn't  quite  have anyone to help me with my choices  so i just do what i wanna do. Eversince we moved to crosby street things have started  to go downhill it's  like Tyler's  death was a sign that i shouldn't  be here.  Tyler  was my mother's  bestfriend  and quiet the flirt i have to say. Tyler died a few nights  after we moved  back in,  doctors claim it was simply  an accident  and that he had overdosed on cocaine  but knowing  Tyler  he wasn't  capable  of that thing,  but i think i know who is. My dad doesn't  like Wes he says that Wes  reminds him too much of himself  when he was younger and that i deserve more. Matt is with Lesley and my dad just loves  her, Lesley  is the type of girl you see in movies,  the one who's  at the top of all her classes but has this little rebel inside of her fighting  to come out.  Her parents  are happily  married and her relationship  with Matt  is all anyone could ever ask for , sometimes  i wish to have a life like Lesley's  simple and sweet. I still remember the day we met; lesley and I.  I could feel it in the air that day -- the retreat  of summer. The suffocating  heat of july had given way to cooler August  afternoons. And it wasn't  just the heat that had abated; it was our moods too. She too knew the person  who must have done this to Tyler,  it was a secret that wasn't  exchanged between  us but we were both well aware of it. I couldn't  believe  the lies he was spinning  , how easily  he manipulated the facts until the story played in his favour. Imagining Tyler  in such a situation  haunts me.  He must have felt the  cocaine  claw its way down his throat, into his lungs. He held him there,  until his body went still and limp, the beat of his pulse flickering  out. Tyler was such an inextricable part of who I was and who I'm  yet to become  and yet, i had played only a small part in his life.