(Kaylor) Forbidden Love And Wishful Thinking

Chapter Eleven

I keep close to Alexander and Karlie all night.
I try to avoid my mother and father.
"It is now time for the first dance." A voice says, and Alexander holds his arm out to me.
"We haven't even practised-"
"Just let me guide you." He says. Over the afternoon he seems to have gotten more emotional, and his hands have developed a gentle shake.
Everyone parts the room, giving us a circle.
The music starts playing and I do my best to look happy, to look like the happy, bright and loving girl that I could never be in a situation like this.
"I don't-"
"Just put on a smile and pretend." He whispers softly, as he puts his arm around my waist and pulls me closer to him.
Then he starts to move and I follow along with him, trying to smile and trying to forget.
I can feel everyone staring at me, looking for signs. Signs of my love for Alexander, my reaction to what happened.

Then I have to dance with my father, which pains me in every step I take.
"I am sorry, sweetheart." He says, but I pull away from him immediately. Several gasps fill the air and I look down at the ground.
"It is my wedding day, and you killed one of my ladies in front of everyone. Her blood stained my dress, and all you can say is sorry?" I say softly, hurt emphasised in my voice. "How could-"
"Taylor, honey," Alexander says, coming to my side. He pulls me into him and kisses my forehead. "Shall we go and get something to eat?"
I can tell by the tone of his voice that he isn't asking me, he's telling me that we will.
I nod.
"I am sorry, your Majesty. Your daughter has had a very overwhelming day and from what I understand, her lady was never meant to arrive today. She had grown quite close to her... She will feel better soon." Alexander says, and I wonder how he is capable of putting on such a strong act.
"I understand." My father sighs.
But he doesn't, not one bit.

Alexander whisks me away to a corner of the room and puts his arms on my shoulder.
"I know it hurts, but you have to let it go," He hisses.
"I can't-"
"You have to. I know that it's hard. Trust me, I know. But you have to be strong. You have to act as if it was just a girl,"
"No one that dies is just a girl or just a boy!"
"Stop. Taylor." Karlie is here now and she is standing beside Alexander, her arms folded across her chest. "Alexander is right. It's a cruel world and sometimes you've got to be cruel to survive."
"Stop it." I hiss. They don't understand what it's like.
I watched them kill my brother. The only person in this world that I knew I loved, that loved me.
"I am going to get some air." I spin on my heel and leave.

They say 'be strong' as if it is so easy. But I can't be strong, not with something like this. I walk towards the garden. It is raining outside, but I barely feel it.
"Taylor, wait."
"No." I speed up as I hear my mothers voice.
"Don't you dare take another step!"
"I am married now, mother. I don't have to listen to you anymore!"
"Yes, you do. You need to-"
"You killed her without a second thought. You're just like them, mother. You are just like the ones that killed my brother!" I scream. I turn around quickly, the chiffon dress spiralling around me. "You always told me that I couldn't leave because the people out there were dangerous. I have come to realise that the danger is actually inside the walls! The danger is you!"
"I am nothing like them." She says. "When you are queen, you do what is needed to keep your family safe."
"Safe? Austin wasn't safe, mother. He was killed. I am sorry that it wasn't me. I wish it was. I wish I were dead, and he was alive. I know that is what you wanted!"
"Taylor, come inside, you're going to catch a cold."
"Is that all you've got to say?"
"I have done everything you have ever wanted me to do. I am married now. I have kept myself guarded behind these walls, for my entire life. I am tired of it. But what you say doesn't matter now. What Alexander says does, and if he wants me to leave, I can. I don't have to-"
"There you are, my love," Alexander says, walking up to me and taking off his coat and handing it to me. "We must find your ladies and we must get you changed. It is not good for you to be out here, considering the state you are already in."
He slinks the coat around my shoulders and leads me away.
"I don't want to go with you." I hiss at him, trying to get away from his grasp. "I want to be alone."
"You are not being alone. We may not love each other in that way, but Taylor, I promised to keep you safe and to protect you. That is what I am doing."
"I don't need to be protected."
"Yes, I am afraid that you do need to be protected."
"Stop it," I say, getting frustrated.
"Look. There will be repercussions for the fact your mother killed her. She came from the house of Stewart and they are known for their strength and wealth. Once news of their daughter's death reaches them, it will be days until they want vendetta."
"So What?"
"They will hurt your family in any way they can, and a newlywed princess would be their ideal target."
His voice freezes mid-air.
"Oh..." Is the only word I can force from my lips.
"So you need to be protected. A honeymoon was planned but will not happen until a later stage."
"Why me, though?"
"Because you eventually will rule both cities, big cities that her father has wanted for decades. He has you, and all he needs is our parents to die, and he will rule us."
"But what about-"
"Your voice is shaking. You need to get warm."
"I don't want to be protected."
"Why are you always so stubborn? Is the only person you will listen to in this castle Karlie?" He says and I frown.

"What? No."
"Then I am begging you to listen to me."
"News won't have gotten back to Washington that quickly."
"I know that, Taylor. But-"
"Look, Alexander," I say, looking at him in the eyes. "As much as I wish differently, tonight is my wedding day. So I will not be told what I can and can't do."
"You know what? You think that you are this fragile little thing, but when I offer to protect you, you won't accept it. So you need to decide."
"Alexander-"
He just shakes his head and walks away.
God, what a day.
I go back to my room and dry off, trying to decide whether I am weak or strong.
What am I?
Am I weak because I watched someone get shot in front of me and cried? Am I weak because I allowed myself to be scared by my brother's death? Am I weak because I care?

No. All of those things make me strong.

The rest of the evening consists of lots of speeches. Throughout it all, Alexander doesn't speak a word to me. Not directly.
"Can I speak to you?" I say eventually, when I am over ignoring each other.
I lead him out onto the balcony.
"I'm both."
"Aren't we all?"
"I wish that things worked out the way we wanted them to."
"Me too, Taylor. But just because I lost my love doesn't mean you have to lose yours." Alexander says, looking over his shoulder at Karlie, who is standing alone.
"It's not fair."
"Life isn't fair. That's just how it works. But in a world like ours," he pauses, and looks down at the ground, "you've got to hold onto the good things and never let them go."

"I want to see you," Karlie mutters under her breath. "Alone."
"I know, but-"
"There isn't enough hours in the day."
"Tonight." I tell her, taking a mouthful of wine.
"I'll come and see you."
Karlie frowns. "But tonight you have to consummate the-"
Shit. I close my eyes, shaking my head.
"Early tomorrow morning. I'll meet you-" I whisper. I need something to hold onto this evening. "In my bathroom. There's... somewhere people won't find us. But wear warm clothes."
She nods, before she is whisked away by her mother.

The evening ends with Alexander and I having to say thank you to everyone for attending. Once the crowd has lessened, and the people remaining in the castle are servants or guests, it is time to prepare for the consummation.
Alexander pulls me to the side of the room.
"I don't want to do this."
"Trust me, neither to I."
"I'm sorry." He says, and notices my mother watching us and pulls me into his arms. "It will be quick."
I hope that he is right.