Papercuts

Today is a New Day (introduction)

     Have you ever found yourself in a pool of loneliness at the end of a long day? No matter how many people you surround yourself with and dedicate your life to, do you feel empty when you're not around them? Do you feel like no matter how many friends you have and who you tell things to, you're carrying a burden and you're completely and utterly on your own? Then we would have some things in common. For the past few years that's all I've felt.

     I wake up every morning,(who am I kidding, afternoon) and sit there for a minute. I collect myself in my bed and arrange my thoughts, and then I get up and go face the day. It's a lot harder to do when you feel the way I do, when you're so empty and alone. I don't  know exactly why I'm  doing anything I do, but it's familiar and a change in routine is definitely not something I need.  The smallest things can stress me out to the point of a horrible and long anxiety attack.

     They've gotten so bad lately that I've barley left my room. For instance, the other day my friend parked on a hill and the car was at a weird angle. The car being at that angle sent me into a spiraling anxiety attack and I freaked out and my friend spent two hours calming me down. I mean, I would go see a therapist but what's the point? I can't take pills because it freaks me out too.

     Everything I do is terrifying, anywhere I go is dangerous, everyone I meet isn't trust worthy, and every time I think I can control it I really can't. That's why I've lost all my friends, my family hates me, and hell my ex is still torturing me after two heart aching years. Today is a new day though, I just have to keep telling myself that. Today is a new day.