Yellow and Green
Lunar New Year has never been red
It was and it is yellow and green
Yellow and green when I was 13
As I trekked the emerald jungle
Soaked to the bones in the garments
Meant to hide my body from judgemental eyes
I prayed and bargained that I could
Trade each footfall with a calorie consumed
Yellow and green at 16
The week before the Lunar New Year
Reminding myself not to touch
The yellow and green cafeteria plates
Because starvation is my only shield
Against the scorn
My family freely gives
Yellow and green again as I turn 24
The half digested food laced with bile
Staring up at me from the toilet bowl
Filthy
I feel filthy as I shoved my fingers down my throat
But filthier even
When nothing comes up
They say don't let others bring you down
Don't give power to the words of others
But how could I and how can I
When my loved ones taught me
to hate this coat of flesh
Before puberty could even teach me
Insecurity
How could I and how can I
When the most scornful eyes I see
Belonged to the body hunched over the tear-stained sink
People tell me that I had to be strong
But you can only be strong
When you have something worth being strong for
Not for this traitorous body
That I wish a blade could help
Shed the weight and set me free
What a hypocrite
I am
To preach mental health
And soothe the knuckles
of my patients with bulimia
When I count my time and pray
That this time
With my sore knuckles and locked bathroom
I would see yellow and green again
YOU ARE READING
SHREDS laid bare
PoesíaA collection of poems and dark thoughts put into words -------- Excerpt: They say don't let others bring you down Don't give power to the words of others But how could I and how can I When my loved ones taught me to hate this coat of flesh Before...
