. today i hung out with my guyfriend, lets call him mark just to give him a name , anyway so i hung out with him, and our other freind who we will call Moe , so the three of us where hanging out eating laughing doing normal things that people our age would do . but in every moment that i was with mark , i couldnt help but feel like i was in pain , it physically , emotionally ,and mentally hurt being around him today and i dont know why . right now im just sitting here in my room trying to get my feelings all typed out , trying to make myself feel even alittle better but with every stroke of a key i just feel more and more sad about me and mark , i feel my heart breaking with each second that goes by , and i cant do anything about it because i dont know how to fix it .i feel sad and alone with my thoughts and emotions , it makes me think of all the times we hung out and how genually happy i was to be around him , but now even if im not around him it hurts , it just hurts . i know its not worth feeling this way and that other people will come into my life and change the way i feel as well but for right now all i feel is pain , no one should feel a pain like this , a pain that literally makes u think your breaking apart , cuz it sucks and stinks like shit.
i hope that for right now ill be ok , but i dont know how much longer i can pull the " im tired " card infront of him cuz eventually he will notice something is up.
walking next to him , touching his arm with my arm , looking at each other and talking i used to love it all , and how nice it felt to be around someone like him but i just cant do that anymore, i need my space i dont know for how long or how im exactly gonna pull this off but i have to try something to stop from feeling my heart crack and break apart like this, it feels like if i get one more blow , im probably gonna break down and cry because of the pain . its funny i will be the first to say that yes i did make out with him two to or three times in the past and yes i probably shouldnt have dont that , but i did it anyway and no i dont regret it i just wish i knew what it would feel like in the future at the time of said make out session, then maybe i might have thought alittle more carefully about wat i was doing., either way though , im gonna try to over come this the best way i know how .......
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my late night midnight thoughts
Jugendliteraturright now in this moment I can't help but feel alittle mad at myself, you see , I like one of my freinds and that's great and all but not when you can't figure anything out , like your feelings or his, and when you try asking the words just seem to...
