How to escape your imagination

Chapter 19

A year later I am standing in the institute with Clary and Alec. Life has been different, strange. When I ask questions, people look away from me and don't respond. It makes me feel like my life is missing something.

I've had training every day with Clary and Jace, learning how to weald a seraph blade properly without chopping my own arm off. I'm an even better Shadow Hunter than I was before, but I can't remember before either.

Izzy says I was kicked out of the Jersey institute for dealing Yin Fein. I asked what it was once, she said that it was less potent Vampire Venom. Izzy seemed sensitive about the topic and so I try not to bring it up, but a small part of me wants to know what happened to her.

Simon and I have become great friends over the past year. He took great interest in me when he discovered that I was also a pretty big Star Wars fan.

Each day that goes by is more confusing then the last. I need to figure out what the feeling that's nagging at me is, before it eats me up.

I sit down in my bed after a long hard day in the training room. Jace went easy on me at first, but now the fights we have are so intense that the consul will often sit in and watch with genuine interest.

I grab my stele off of the nightstand in my bedroom and trace over my Iratze rune, watching the blade marks on my arms as they disappear. I grab the notebook off of my bed that I have written in every day for the last year. I flip it open examining the contents, looking for anything that I can use to remember my life before a year ago.

I hear a knock on the door and I shove the book under my pellow(For you Kaiya)

Clary flings open the door and struts in eyeing my suspicious position on the bed.

"Are you alright there?" She asks smirking a bit.

I look down and realize that my legs are crossed quite femininely and my hands go up to my hair brushing it out of my face.

"Yeah I'm fine."  I reply quietly.  "I was just thinking."

Clary shifts uncomfortably and walks over to the bed, sitting down on the edge.

"Penny for your thoughts?—I heard a mundane say that once...". She smiles.

"Uh yeah, but you need a real penny." I reply smirking slightly.

She digs into her pocket and puts a witch light into my hand.  "This will have to do for now..."

I laugh and take the glowing stone. 
I roll it around in my hands, trying to come up with a way to tell Clary how I'm feeling. 

"Lately, I feel like my life is missing something."

Clary crosses her legs and gestures for me to continue. 

"I don't remember my life before a year ago, or where I came from..."

She sighs.  "Don't worry about it, it's probably nothing."

Clary gets up quickly to leave, heading for the door.

"Clary."  I say stopping her in her tracks.  "Wait,"

She flinches and turns around carefully.  "Yeah?"

I stand up off of the bed as well and she looks down at her feet.  "You would tell me, wouldn't you?"  I ask.  "You wouldn't lie to me."

She shakes her head, "I can't lie to you, Jonathan."  She puts her head in her hands.  "Not anymore."

I narrow my eyes.  "What are you talking about?" 

She steps towards the door.  "I'm sorry, I—"

"Clary tell me!"  I shout growing impatient. "I have to know who I am!"

She shakes her head and points at the camera.  "Jace, and—Alec and everyone they'll know if I tell you."  She opens the door and closes it quietly behind her. 

I jump up off of the bed and creep towards the door, swinging it open and following Clary down the hallway. 

I see her bright hair disappearing to the left and follow it.

I sneak down the hallway, being careful to avoid shadow hunters that are leaving their rooms.

Carefully stepping out onto the glass balcony above the control room/main entrance, I narrow my eyes at Clary, who is speaking quietly and quickly.  I lean over as far as I can without being seen so I am able to catch bits and pieces of the conversation.

"He knows."  I hear Clary say worriedly.

".....can't lie forever...."

".......been a year....."

I creep farther down the staircase, getting frustrated that I can't hear.

"Clary we can't tell him."  I hear Jace's voice say impatiently.  "He thinks he's a shadow hunter."

I step back in shock.  "I knew it."  I say quietly but it's not quiet enough.  Four pairs of eyes whip around to stare at me.  

Jace's eyes widen slightly and he walks towards me.

"No, don't."  I say scrambling backwards.  "I need to remember."

Jace shakes his head and turns to Clary.  "Get Simon."

I narrow my eyes and Jace grabs my ankle to keep me from moving back anymore.  

"You'll be fine, you just need to forget."

I feel rage bubbling up inside of me, and my body temperature starts rising.

"No."  I say out loud.  "No."  

Jace turns to face me and his face drops.  "What's going on."

My fists tighten with the anger of being lied to and Jace rips his hand away from my ankle, a burn mark visible.

I calm down a bit and run up the stairs, four figures running after me.

"Leave me alone!"  I shout as loudly as possible, sprinting abnormally fast down the hallway.  

I run until I find a door and open it quietly, trapping myself inside.

I hear the four of them running past me and I let out a sigh of relief.  

I turn around to look behind me and see a staircase leading down into darkness.  

I don't recall ever being in here before.  As I begin to walk down the staircase, a piece of paper is blown under the space in the door, and brushes my ankle.  

I narrow my eyes and lean down to pick it up studying it carefully.  

This was it.  This was the piece that was missing.  The piece is a boy named Simon, but it couldn't be the Simon that watched Star Wars with me, I knew him and he didn't seem like the 'missing piece' type.  This Simon had to be different.  This was the Simon that was lost and needed to be found.

And I was going to find him.