Beautiful Affection

CHAPTER 22

CHAPTER 22

Thanks to the information from Himura, STARISH were split into two teams once they could schedule their free time. The first team; Cecil and Otoya would meet the psychiatrist who was Tokiya's savior, Mayama Jun. As expected, it was so hard to convince the experienced expert.

"Please, doctor. I know you have your own policy and you're close to Tokiya but it's important for us to know his illness. It's important for STARISH. We don't want him to suffer alone anymore," Otoya said, trying to sound as convincing as possible. Cecil on the other hand had nothing to say. The guilt which cruelly haunted his mind these past days had sealed his mouth even he was as curious as others. "He's our dear friend and we just realized that so many things about him that we don't know. Since it's impossible for us to ask him since he won't tell us, we thought that it's wise to ask somebody who he depends on for his mental illness."

The said doctor sighed heavily. This was not ethical but from all the consultations he had conducted with Tokiya since years ago, he could tell that STARISH could help the guy out. He could tell that STARISH could support the idol since his illnesses mainly resulted from his willingness to protect his friends.

They were the encouragement that he needed.

"Okay, then. I'll tell you this only because from our consultations, I believe that you guys can help him out. Just a gentle reminder, mental illnesses do not simply get cured because of affection or sincere feeling from one's friends or family but it can boost the patient's motivation to fight his illnesses."

"I understand, doctor," Otoya said.

"I beg you. Once you find out the truth, please be good to Tokiya. Please be there for him because even he didn't tell me all the triggers for his mental illnesses, I believe that he doesn't deserve to live this way. I know he's a good guy, knowing the way he talked especially about you guys."

"What do you mean, doctor?" The redhead asked. He could feel his heart beat so fast as he saw how despondent Dr. Mayama looked right now.

"Yeah, and why did you mention 'his mental illnesses' instead of 'illness'? Does he have..."

"Yes, Aijima-san, Ittoki-san. Tokiya was diagnosed with two illnesses; clinical depression and complex PTSD since he was 24 years old but I believe he suffered from it earlier than that."

"What?" Otoya's eyes met Cecil's, silently sharing their surprise.

That... that long? Why? Cecil thought. His green eyes sized up in horror.

"At first, he said that it happened since he was HAYATO due to his hectic lifestyle and his parents' abandonment. As he grew up and achieved his current fame, his illness got worse. He said to me that he hated to be called Stripper and fantasized by a lot of women. But you know what's the weirdest thing?"

"What is it, doctor?" Both the STARISH members asked, almost in chorus.

"For some reason, Tokiya didn't want you guys to know. He didn't say 'I don't want anyone to know'. He said 'I don't want STARISH to know'."

Cecil and Otoya could feel their hearts skip a beat.

"I believe the part that he didn't tell me will cause a big reaction from you guys had you guys know it. Given his collected and strong personality, I don't think how the fans treated him could cause him to suffer like that. I believe there're more disturbing things that we don't know. Or else, he wouldn't suffer from complex PTSD as well."

So, he moved out and refused to meet us because he kept a secret? What could it be? What'll happen if we find it? Otoya thought. Cecil from his side looked spaced out but God knew how warped he felt inside.