How deeply do the desires of the flesh extend? How long have the seeds of indecision been festering in my soul? Everyday I wake and I do everything in my power to control myself and somehow its inevitable, I'll fall victim to your presence. Am I nothing before you? Truly a weak human, no, when you are near I feel less. I've never felt so weak yet so empowered. I look at you and my body is no longer in my control, a swirl of emotions overtake me. Feeling more and more vunarable I can only come to one possible conclusion...I Need You.
"Gorgeous? No, sexy?" I said pondering to myself the right words to describe him. To say he was so nice looking to me would be an understatement, if someone was to probe my brain they still wouldn't find the right words in my vocabulary to describe him. That's mainly because i don't know them myself "Beautiful?" I know that's wrong but I work in a cramped cubicle and he's right there. Am I expected to not stare? After all this is no different as when a man stares at my ass, so I figure its okay to stare. He, Neal Silvers, and I have been working at Lion's Paw for three years and to be honest before he showed up I was bored out of my mind. At first I was kinda upset by his presence seeing as how everyone worshiped the ground he walked upon. I was sure he had just done something crazy or had a famous family member either way i had no time to fall victim to his charm. I immediately decided not to take interest in him, that was until one day while I was on my lunch in the break room attempting to relax when a small group of girls came in giggling. I paid them no mind at first until I heard his name ad saw them swooning, it angered me to see grown women acting like school girls so naturally, I called them out. To no avail my attempts to demean them were met with hysterical laughter and a YouTube video starring him and several others. Apparently he was being interviewed about a forum which consisted of several parodies, poems, stories, and video logs as a compilation of talents which he referenced to as "Not So Famous" with one joke made about the name I decided my lunch was over and I was not impressed. Despite the milestones he had crossed to get where he was I couldn't take him serious as an author, I absolutely refused to, in my eyes he was a big joke just like his videos. In time word spread around and as popular culture states "What goes around, Comes around" and he came to confront about it "Hey," "Hello," his voice was much deeper than it was during the interview but I paid it no mind considering I had not even made eye contact since his introduction "I'm Neal," "I know who you are, I work here too," I made my annoyance apparent in my tone. He returned my attitude with a laugh and to be honest my heart skipped when he did and I had to stop what I was doing "Look, I'll just be honest I can walk anywhere in this office and start a conversation but I been here four months and you hadn't said two words let alone eye contact with me," "What's wrong? Did I wound your ego?" The look on his face was more confusing than wounded "Ego? What are you talking about? I just wanna know what I did to make you hate me?" "I don't hate you, I just don't have a high tolerance for hot shots," "Hot Shot?" "Yes," I looked at his hand to see it cringe and my mind started to drift. Before I could even tell him about the interview, he gave me a glare and walked away, he seemed to have taken my insults better than expected but I paid him no mind either way. Maybe two months over my daily continued until one day after working late I walked into the parking deck to see him standing beside my car with an intent look. Me being who I was I wasn't afraid but after getting closer I saw the same serious glare from that day without a word I pressed the button for unlocking my car doors I glanced at him but he didn't look at me I got into my car and drove away but he didn't move even after he was out of my sight I was sure he was still standing there. This routine continued for about another month I would come out of the building and he would be standing there...everyday, I decided that "Nerves of steel" had, had enough and on the beginning of the third week instead I just stopped in front of him. "what do you want!?" my words had no effect on him and he just stood there "You're creeping the hell out of me say your peace!" for a min he stood there staring in my face with that same harden look and suddenly his faced changed "I'm only human, I do the things I do because I love them not for praise. I work hard for what I have just like you do. That's why I stood here I wanted you to acknowledge me as a person not a an icon," my heart skipped and I suddenly was over taken by guilt. If what he was saying was true that would mean that I'm the reason he's been standing right here and that two simple words hurt his pride that badly. I sighed and looked at him "Sorry, I guess I really didn't give you much of a chance did I?" "Then why not right now?" I turned to see his face replaced with a look of contempt but in more of a lustful fashion "Fine, my name is Yvonne Sarae Scarlet," "And I'm O'Neal Mavarok," the smile he gave said there was still more on his mind and I let my curious nature out...first mistake "Is there something you want to say before I leave?" "I've never been treated so harshly by a woman before, so thus in finding you I have a goal...," I was reaching for my car door when I felt his arms wrap around me. I instantly felt weak and my body began to tremble I could feel the ripples and curves of his body that were hidden away by the suit and tie he sported and I was impressed. In most cases I would have knocked him away but the smell of him, the familiarity of the way he held me, and even the way he acted he reminded me of someone that I’m still not sure of. "What are you doing?" "I will make you love me," the tone of his voice, the confidence in which he said those words I dropped my keys and before I had the clarity to stop myself I kissed him. I knew that he fight me so I let myself linger before pulling away and staring into his eyes "...I've got to go," I snatched my keys and left as quickly as I could and just as routine as the previous two weeks I sped out of the parking deck with Neal in my rear view mirror.
Hard to believe all this had happened just last week, I mean I took a few sick days so everything would blow over and just as sure when I got to work the following Monday everything was the same. I came into work sat down and everything seemed to pass by as normal as ever even after I had seen him he seemed to have moved on with his life despite my lingering obsession. Three days, I stared at him for three days and he said not one word to me I guess I was really just caught in the heat of the moment or I took his words to heart either way it was said and done. My attraction to him stayed but I can't let something as simple as sex appeal control me right? "Hey," that voice...I think I just crushed my mouse from cringing "Hey," looking up I see him smiling at me and my heart immediately starts pounding hard "You okay?" "Why wouldn't I be?" "You took sick days," "You checked on me," "Naturally," I turned my head but I was sure that he could see the coyness in my face. "What do you want Neal?" "I'm moving into my new house well, I've moved into my new house," I was trying my best not to make eye contact but the big smile in the corner of my eye made it hard "Big party, guess who's invited?" "My mother?" "Feel free to bring her when you come," "And you assume I'm going to come because...?" "Why wouldn't you? Everyone else in the office is?" "An office party? No thanks Mavarok," "My hommies are coming cool, you'll have plenty of opportunities to...," "Stop...please," I had to get away from him before I said yes. I liked Neal's looks and getting alone with him I'm sure I would give in to my sexual desires after all it had been so long, even so I wasn't a party person. As I walked into the mail room Neal flung himself on the counter inn front of me "What the fuck are you doing?!" "You shouldn't ignore a gesture of good faith," "Good Faith?!" "Bad choice of words?" "VERY!" I'm looking around in disbelief and people are in and by like nothing was happening and he laid on the counter smiling at me "What's it gonna take for me to get you out of here?" "Sex," as quickly as he had said it I almost said okay. I'm staring to feel ashamed of myself, thoughts or not weather or not I can resist the urge to act is what's important but this is the most I've thought about sex in so long. So once again I'm glaring at this guy trying to force myself to remember who he reminds me of "So?" "Huh?" I was so busy glaring I had almost forgot he was still looking at me "I'm not going to have sex with you," "Then I guess we'll just have to settle for the party then won't we?" "You are so shameful," Neal jumped off the counter with great agile effort it kind of caught me off guard I knew he was in shape but that seemed a bit extensive. "Here you go, you know just in case," He then took a piece of paper and scribbled his address down watching him I caught how terrible his hand writing was "Writing fast?" "No, it's naturally this ugly," I couldn't help but laugh a little but I regained my composure before he turned around. "Here you go baby girl," "A: don't call me that B: this is a MIGHT and C: Don't throw your weight around at me," "I don't know why you act like you don't like it," "It was a mistake, heat of the moment so don't take it to your head," "Understood," I gave him no time to validate me coming to his party maybe that the kiss was more. It was obvious he was a smooth talker and I was a target for someone like him, I decided it would be best to disappear for a few hours to get myself together that or fuck him on a counter but I still have my pride right? I'm not sure when this happened but I'm starting to doubt myself...normally my decisions are set in stone but for some reason Neal has some peculiar ability to make me change my way of thinking. I absolutely hate it yet, I love it
