Like Killer, Like Son

Stupid Questions are Still Stupid

~John~

I walk back in the living room to see alex slumped over the couch writing.

"...are you ok?" I ask.

"Stupid question gets a stupid answer" he says.

"Right...hey uhh, what would you do if someone qanted to Kill you?"

"Once again, stupid question gets a stupid answer."

"Let me rephrase that...what if said person dedicated their life to kill you and anyone related to you?"

"If this is about burr, excuse my language, but i dont give a flying fuck about him. If he even comes close, ill kill him" he growls.

"What is it with you and killing?"

"What?" He puts the notebook and pencil down on the table and looks up at me.

"I mean why is your first action in any situation to kill? Why do you even kill?"

"Because being normal is overrated"

"Pff wow. Seriously though why?"

"Because its fun!"

"Alexander"

"Oh, so we're going with full name now?"

"Just answer the question..."

"Im not obliged to do so. In fact, im not even going to respond in English"

"Wait what? Its just a question-"

"No, inutil. Menos que hablas Espanol, lo que no haces, retrocede"

"This is really unnecessary. Besides..." I take out my phone and go to google translate. "...I don't need to know the language."

"Stupid technology... Fine you want to know why i kill? Its because life is terrible! I told you how there was a hurricane and how i was sick and how really, i should be dead. Yet im not."

I'm left speechless. He continues on.

"Life thought 'oh hey, your life wasnt exactly great already, but im gonna make it worse by nearly killing you' so i thought, if life can't decide on wether i live or not, I'll kill life. Remember that ship fire I told you about?"

I slowly nod my head.

"That was me! Then i realized that I was still in the middle of the ocean so I helped put it out. Nobody knew it was me though. But as soon as I got to America, I set the ship on fire again. Once again, no one knew it was me. And that wasnt even my first kill."

Im starting to regret asking. Not because I'm scared but because this is about to become "story time with a killer".

He motions for me to sit next to him. Called it!

"My first kill was this one guy who was being a complete jerk."

"What did they do?"

"Flirt and insult"

"Sounds like you! He coulcdve been the perfect match. Is that why you cant commit to things?"

"Real mature, sir. Real mature. Did i mention that you're pathetic enough to set the bar so low youd date me?"

"Wow. Are you saying i couldve found someone better?"

"No, im just saying you have low enough expectations to date someone who could very well be why you die"

I lightly punch his arm. "Continue with your story."

This ends up going on for hours of him basically telling me his life story with few breaks. I actually stopped him so I could make popcorn. We both end up sitting upside-down on the couch with a few snacks.

"...then there was the no kill year. Then i met the most wonderful person in the world. You." He finished his story.

I blush but don't look away.

"With the way i am I honestly never thought I'd find love. But then you walked into my life and that changed everything"

"That's the most sentimental and genuine thing I've heard you say Alex" I say.

"Yeah well, you're the most genuine person I've ever met"

"Yeah well, it's nice talking to you"

"It's always nice being around you" he says and we both blush.

~Philip~

I've been in my room for hours playing on my phone. However, something seems...off.

I go downstairs to grab a snack but stop when im halfway down when I see John and Alex.

"...oh, you guys are uhh...I think I'm gonna go bleach my eyes..." I say before running back upstairs.