im afraid so |✓| finn wolfhard

³⁵ { i }

"finn? are you alright?"

"uh, yeah. yeah i'm fine." the boy sighs, sitting to the top of a loose amp back stage; his head in his hands.

"look, we can cancel the show. we dont go on for another hour, its not too late." malcolm rests his hand to his friends shoulder. finn lets him keep it there, despite being upset with him.

"no no, im fine; really. just give me a few minutes, okay?"

they nod in understandment, giving their lead singer the space he needed to settle down.

currently, the band was preparing for their night in new york city; where their band would make an appearance on any ordinary stage just like they did most nights.

however this time, for whatever the reason was, finn was suffering from one of the biggest anxiety attacks of his life.

the rest of the band circles by the back door just around the corner from finn as they wait in hopes violet could help.

they were unaware with what was going on between the couple recently. that being said, they didn't care. for they knew that violet was the one thing to ever manage to calm him down.

eventually, violet pushes open the heavy doors from the cold air outside. a stack three amps high sits in her full arms; hardly able to see. she was beginning to set up for the show, this being the first trip out to the van of many.

"violet! you have to go check on finn, please?"

violet looks over surprised to see the concerned faces of her friends.

full arms, she responds to ayla; standing still. the door still open wide behind her.
"what do you mean? whats wrong?"

"his anxiety's pretty bad right now."

"you're the only one that seems to calm him down." jack adds.

immediately, violet sets the amps down besides her, pushing the door closed as she quickly heads around the corner. spotting finn in the same position his friends had left him in.

she approaches him slowly, kneeling down in front of his legs as his head still rests to his hands.

"hey, finn." she speaks gently.

he doesn't respond, not even bothering to look up at her. he was set in a weird mood. like the person he wanted there the most, he wanted to leave at the same time.

softly, her fingers run through his hair. violets voice set to a whisper.
"are you doing okay?"

"i'm fine. i just want to be alone." he mumbles.

she reaches over to take his hand from his face, it sat in hers as it shook out of control. she held it tighter as he manages to look up to her.
"no, you don't."

"i cant do this, vi." he breaks.

"why not? you've done shows like this a hundred times before."

"i'm not talking about the show, i'm talking about us."

she stares to the ground, nodding in actknowledgment.
"look, things have been weird between us. but we cant worry about that right now, we have a show to put on. alright? no matter what has happened with us, i'm here. for you finn, i'm only here for you."

he stares at her, his breathing already managing to slow down at the glimpse of her concerned eyes. it was a reality check some how. a reality check of that he wasn't sure anymore. he wasn't sure whether he truthfully loved her anymore.

gently, his shaky hand meets the side of her neck, guiding her up to his lips. violet lets it happen, not surprised but relaxed. for this was clarity; feeling his lips again in such a long time.

she didn't know it at that moment; but that was the last time she'd feel those lips again. at least for a while.

finn stares at her, violet recalls his face almost to be scared; like the nerves to be around her displayed across his face finally showed after all these months.
"you have to promise me something, violet."

she stares at him in question, her nose inches from skimming his.

"no matter what happens im going to be there for you, promise me that you will be here for me too. okay? promise me."

"yeah" she stammers,
"i promise, finn."

she didn't know what that meant at the time; truthfully neither did he.

but somewhere deep in the pit of his stomach he knew a storm was coming. and he knew it was approaching fast.

in some sort of way, his muse was the thing that tied him to violet. he saw it coming from a mile away and perhaps that was why he had lost it within anxiety that night.

because for the first time, he saw what was to come.

he saw the emptiness and the loneliness within his bedsheets.

he saw himself walk up to that stage alone one day; and despite being around hundreds of people, he was suddenly all he had.

he saw himself waking up in the morning with no one to make breakfast for.

the lack of songs to be written without holding hands with his inspiration.

he saw himself go far in music, but feel dreadfully sad anyway.

but most importantly,

he saw himself never loving again.

and it wasn't because he couldn't let go or that he was trying to protect his heart from the damage of someone else.

it was simply due to the fact that nobody compared to her.

violet cage.

while he sits to hold her in his arms; his mind blanks. for he was not simply thinking through any of this with his head.

but feeling it with his subconscious.

with his heart.

1000 wc
so i live in a small town in michigan where they actually banned vaping for everyone in our area. i went into the bathroom after tennis conditioning and a bunch of girls put their vapes everywhere with a note for the janitor saying "happy valentines day skank." and that is the epitome of why i hate people.