Happily Ever After??

Six

3 week later

Everything has only gotten worse since that night. He'll come in randomly and use me however he wants. I can't say no or it makes everything worse. A few nights ago mom heard something from outside the door and made the rule that the door had to be open while we are in the room alone together. That made me happy and I had hope that everything would stop. But boy was I wrong. He now invites some of his closest friends over so he can continue to do whatever he wants in the safety of his own room. Sometimes even his friends will join him. 
It's not like James is stupid about who he invites or where he leaves bruises. They are never on my face or lower arms. He makes sure that they can't be seen. He also said that if I told anyone he'd frame me for something. 

Currently I'm sitting in my room listening to Twenty One Pilots. Since it's summer I have nowhere to go during the day to get away from him. Since he started doing what he's been doing my depression has gotten a lot worse. About a week in I caved in and started self-harming and basically quit eating. I can't stand to even look at myself in the mirror. All I see is a worthless whore. I think mom has gotten suspicious about things and has kept a closer eye on me. She seems worried and I want to tell her everything... but I know I can't. 

Mom knocks on my door separating me from my thoughts. "Come in" I say.
"Hey uh, I thought you and I should have a girls day. Just the two of us. There is a band that I think you'll like playing a small show nearby." she says being hopeful. 
I nod, a small smile forming on my face. "That'd be nice. Let me get ready." I say. She smiles as she closes my door. 
I grab some clothes and walk into the bathroom to shower. I don't have to worry about him being here since he stayed the night at Chris's house. I think he said something about staying there a few nights, which makes me a lot happier. I turn on the water and make it as hot as possible. As I start to strip from my clothes I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror. I see the bruises that littered my body and the swelling around my ribcage area. My bones became very prominent and I was pailer than a sheet of paper. My eyes have sunken in a small bit and have become surrounded by dark circles due to my lack of sleep and constant crying. It wasn't long before my eyes stopped at the red lines on my thighs and wrists. I looked down at my wrist as my finger traced over them. I took one last look in the mirror. 
'This is why he abuses you, you ugly slut' 
'No one likes you'
'Quit being such a bother'
The voices in my head said. 
I take the phone case off of my phone, maybe the voices are right. I thought to myself as I grabbed the razor blade out of the back of my phone case. I place the cold metal on my wrist and drag it along my skin, getting lost in my thoughts as the blood flows onto my wrist. I like to think of this as making art on my skin. Somehow that helps me forget about what I'm doing. When I come back to reality I can't tell how much damage I've done due to the blood covering my wrists. 

I finally got in the shower, the hot water burning my skin and washing away the blood on my arms. It stings as I flows over the deep marks on my skin. I wash my hair and get out of the shower. When I look in the mirror I turned from white to red. Now resembling a tomato rather than a snowman. 
I dry off and take a moment to look at my wrists. The words whore and slut can now be found written across my wrists. I decided to get dressed, which consisted of a pair of black skinnys and a long sleeve Misfits shirt. I also throw on a few bracelets before exiting the bathroom. 
On my way back to my room I run into Bradley. 
"Hey Jayy, mom said she's ready to leave whenever you are." he says. I don't say anything, but I give a small smile and nod. Once back in my room I quickly blow dry my hair and throw on some black eyeshadow and eye liner. I also put on some pale foundation to make me look less dead. 

I walk out to the living room to find mom waiting with her purse. 
"You ready?" she asks. I nod. Today might actually be a fun day. Something I haven't experienced in a long time.