How do i choose ?

Chapter Three: God help me

Everday was confusing since Kyoya first kissed me. I loved Haruhi but i was starting to doubt it would ever happen because she always pushed me away and  if i even hugged her she called me a pervert. But still she was so cute and there is a place in my heart that Haruhi has forever but maybe just as friends? it was all very confusing. I found myself always thinking about what to do. Did i love Kyoya ? Did he love me? Did i have any chances whatsoever with Haruhi ? all these thoughts rushed through my head as i sat in the host club and going through my usual hosting routine.

It was after the other hosts had left for home Kyoya came by me as i packed my bookbag and Kyoya held me by the waist ever so gently kissing my neck. After i tried to ignore his flirting he turned me around and lifted my chin to look at him, he came in close enough to where every part of our bodies were touching almost perfectly parrallel to each other. I couldn't help but reach on my tiptoes a bit to kiss him. And as we were kissing i heard a familiar voice behind me 

" T-tamaki Senpai?"

i looked at Haruhi. She looked as if someone ripped her heart apart one by one in front of her "H-haruhi, what are you doing ?" i blushed and looked down in embarrassment " i-i thought you left " she didn't look at me or Kyoya as she shuffled and picked up a notebook from a chair " i had to come back and get my notes to study for a test tomorrow " She ran off. You could hear her crying as she sped off " now that she's gone, where were we?" I huffed and angrily pushed him away as he went in for a kiss and i shouted " WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?"  salty tears began to run down my face and i fell to my knees "Tamaki. Don't tell me you still love her" " I-i just dont know anymore!" i declared and began to sob. I  didn't refuse when Kyoya sat next to me and held me close and i began to sob more into his uniforms sleeve. Kyoya mostly was manipulative and cruel. But whenever he could tell one of us, especially me, was going through hard times he was always there and at least with me, was great at comforting and knowing just what to do. I snuggled into him and he kissed the top of my head lightly saying " I don't care who you choose" And he left after looking at the time and i was silent as i tried to stop crying and made my way to the car and got home.

Home. My own bed was the only place i could think and the only thing about my life that didn't confuse me. i just huddled under my blankets and started to weep once again as Haruhi's face when she saw and the sound of her crying when she left played in my mind and eventually i fell asleep. God please help me.