Hello, excuse me; I Love You.

Chapter 1

"Love starts as a feeling,
But to continue is a choice;
And I find myself choosing you
More and more every day."
- Justin Wetch

Jason

Have you ever felt like punching yourself in the face so hard that, instead of passing out, you just damage some important nerve essential for your heart to beat?
Guess what? That was every day for me. And to make it even harder, I was in high school. A 17-year-old loner, and a weirdo. At least that's what I've heard.

I still remember that day. The commencement of it was making me nauseous. The conclusion too wasn't very pleasant. But I guess the ending was satisfactory.

My parents are the owners of a fashion line named Lavender Blues. Sounds lavish, huh?
It is actually. The talk of the town, trending, or whatever you wanna call it. If you're going to stick around, you must know that I hate my parents. The same old story. The neglected child who becomes a namby-pamby. Not a delinquent, though. Never in a million years. That's too clichẽ for me.

I was just a regular kid, who was dreading to attain freedom in this vast world. People like me are basically forced to live this so-called beautiful life. Whenever I hear someone say, 'Life is beautiful.' , I feel like spitting out the phrase, 'Life is not all unicorns and rainbows.' Used to

Am I misanthropic? No idea. But what I do know is that I hate smugs and narcissists. Like...I extremely despise them. The stuck-up, desperate guys, and some skanky b*tches. The typical heartthrob of those stupid institutions. They seemed so obnoxious and imbecilic that I wonder if it was because of that transition period or if their parents raised them to be like that.

The way all of them smile and laugh is so sickening. It makes me wanna throw up, hard. I don't understand what is there to celebrate about to laugh so absurdly. It wasn't like you were graduating or anything. Meh...I'll never understand these absurd humans.

I hate stupid people. I hate this society. In general, I hate life because it sucks. The only tolerable beings I think are Danny, my pet bunny and I, myself.

Earlier I mentioned that I was referred to as an outcast or a loner. Contrary to your belief, no, I did not wear dark-themed clothes. Neither did I wear jolly and vibrant colours.. I normally wear neutral colours. I guess, any sane person would. But that's the thing that bugs me the most. As a matter of fact...I'm not sane...psychologically, at least. You know, it's sometimes so frustrating because I feel like I'm the only sane being in this stupid society which contradicts the fact how I'm conscientiously acquainted with my not-so-sane disorder.

So let's go to small flashback, shall we?

2 years, 8 months, 17 days and 4 hours ago

"Sweetheart, you're just not putting enough effort. Your grades are deteriorating every single day, no offence. I'm technically helping you by assigning a student to tutor you. Look, you are a good kid. You have such a huge potential to excel. You're just being highly indolent right now, that's it." Miss Robinson, our school counsellor breaks me into this pathetic news when initially I thought it was just another one of my counselling sessions.

"Look I just need to find the motivation. Everything else is perfect. As soon as I find my motivation, I'll be so good that perhaps NYU will accept me!"

"Firstly, I've heard those phony lines at least a dozen of times, last year. Who in the world are you trying to fool? I'm your friend! So, stop lying and definitely stop being sluggish. What would happen to our future if kids of your generation act like such crazy sloths?!"
"Secondly, we both are aware of your disorder and you know I completely understand. And let me tell you, half of the time till now I've been strictly lenient on you because of it. But this time...I, unfortunately, can't let it slide.
Suppose you are tutored and finally somehow earn a great score...you finally might increase your self-esteem. Maybe then you'll start liking to socialize too! All I can offer you is that...just try for a month and notice if you feel different. I am definitely sure you will."

Firstly, I'm tired of people claiming to be my 'friend' when they actually are not. I've got zero friends (excluding Danny) and I'm not really complaining. Too much human interaction feels eerily revolting.

Secondly, what's with the women starting unwanted arguments, especially when the opposition party clearly wants to close the conversation?!! In this case, it is highly a 'WTH situation' since the ruling party is aware that the opposition party is weak due to his ancestors! I really don't see the point in it. Do you? You shouldn't.

Okay, I guess that's pretty lame...oh well.

"Okay, fine. I'll do it." I just replied as bluntly and disinterested as I could, only to finally close this stupid conversation.

She flashed a smile and said, "Great! I'll inform the student and then you guys can resolve the conflict of where to study."

"Cool."

"So...Jason...when was the last time you felt suicidal? And what triggered it? Have you indulged in self-harm recently?"

Ugh, God...not again! She asked swiftly changing the subject, much to my dismay. I would like myself thrown out of this area immediately.

Should I flirt with her? Will she kick me out then? Or should I blabber some sh*t about something associated with her?
Nah...I'm too cool for that. And that exactly is the aṭtestation that I am me.

F.M.L.

++++++++++++++++++

As I was walking back home. I caught a glimpse of a person. The person who changed my life within a few days.

She was on her porch reading my favourite book, Jane Eyre.

And that simple gesture which is not actually a gesture stopped my heart. I was just...speechless, dumbstruck.

SHE FREAKING LOOKED LIKE THE HELEN OF TROY!!!!!!

As my eyes explored her features with utmost shamelessness and satisfaction, her eyes finally looked into mine.

I'm not a pervert. She was stunning. I don't know how to justify my eye-popping action. But all I know is that it wasn't perverted.

And I guess she figured it out ages before this weirdo did.

Neither of us moved even an inch. I was probably scared that if she asked me anything, I would stutter and then she would sprint away.

Oh, I think I didn't mention it earlier. I used to stutter a lot. But with rigorous therapies and practice sessions, I improved my speech. So you won't need to sprint..hahaha.

Back to the flashback...ahem. So yeah...she didn't do either of the 2 things I was expecting her to do.

She didn't ask me anything and continued keeping her soft gaze on me.

Neither did she run away. But I'm getting ahead of myself...