Ignite ─ Ben Hardy

CHAPTER NINETEEN ━ SOMEONE TO STAY

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𝚛𝚎𝚊𝚕 𝚕𝚒𝚏𝚎.

THERE WERE TIMES SHANESSA WISHED SHE DIDN'T NEED TO FEEL EVERYTHING EXCESSIVELY, if there was an off switch for emotions she would constantly turn it off. This was the first time again she had a feeling of aversion towards someone after those bullies in high school, and worst, the one she hated on was her own best friend.

Ben tried to reach out for her probably hundreds of times, even asked Bethany to meet her, both women did meet up, but Shanessa explained that she needed time. Though Shanessa did not heed the string of hostility she felt, she was still eminently disappointed with him.

And Eugene being his usual self was ponderously aware that something was pestering herself. He didn't ask her directly, considering they were having a family dinner earlier, he let the night pass before the pair returned to their safe haven.

Once they got home, an innumerable of tears leaked out of her arctic blue eyes the moment she recounted everything, from the beginning until what happened two weeks ago.

Little did she know, Eugene already heard enough about Shanessa and Ben, their history as best friends and in Shanessa's part, one-sided love.

But, was he jealous? No. Was he mad? No. Did he doubt her? No, Eugene trusted Shanessa too much to be able to do such a thing. The problem was. . . he was actually afraid.

Because Shanessa once had those specific feelings to another man other than himself, and it worried him that the feelings might make a comeback.

Or maybe it never left, observing how she reacted when she substantively demurred to loathing her best friend.

Shanessa bawled her eyes out, feeling perplexed and frustrated, and that was all because—for Ben. Eugene was madly off-the-shelf to give her all the happiness, literally the world to her, but what if he wasn't the happiness she wanted?

In terms of logic, Eugene couldn't get his hands on everything, considering he left her without contacting her, completely forsaking space for other people to fill the void in her heart.

Eleven years was a really long time, he even almost parenthesized the intention to look for her because he didn't believe if she was still alone, waited for him.

Now, in the world where karma did exist, he had to prepare himself if the same thing happened to him.

Unfortunately, letting her go to chase her happiness that riveted on another man was Eugene's greatest fear, something he would never be ready for.

After a few minutes of pacifying her, Shanessa's sobs came to a halt as her fingers curled around the soft fabric of his shirt for dear life, downing her face closer to his chest.

Heaps of thoughts girdled Eugene's head, chewing the inside of his cheek, he barely expected the next sentence to ooze out of his mouth. "You know, if you still like him, I don't mind."

"W—What?"

Don't get him wrong, Eugene was afraid to let her go, but at the same time, he had been quite selfish all these years, thinking of supplying Shanessa the time and space to let her grow into the person he knew she could be was the best option of it all.

Eugene indirectly made Shanessa bound to him, wordlessly beckoning at her to be patient for him and not fall in love with someone new.

They both depended on each other so much, but most of the time, it was him and he did not like it a bit. Eugene was really weak back then, he couldn't protect her, there he thought of building himself up.

There was such a thing of loving someone so much that you needed to give them time to let them breathe.

Although now, one thing invariably nagged at him was the fact that Eugene was only holding her back to keep on living the life she deserved.

A gloom simper plastered on Eugene's lips as his hand rubbed her back gently. "Aren't you afraid?"

Scowling, Shanessa looked up at him and found him staring at the ceiling blankly. "Of what?"

"Aren't you afraid that one day he will look at another woman the way he used to look at you?"

There was a beat of silence, and Eugene was a bit agitated that she would say yes. But, the next movement she did was somewhat relieve him. Shanessa shook her head, tracing the clothed skin of his abdomen.

"Ben always looked at me as a friend, it changed midway because he knew the truth that I used to like him," The woman mused, exhaling a sigh. "Even though he's in denial, I can see him falling for Bethany, and I am okay with that. I wish him happiness and fulfillment. And I just want him to understand that I couldn't wait for him forever, that at some point I'm going to look at someone else the way I used to look at him. My world won't stop revolving because he's no longer there—I've learned it before when you left. So, no, I'm not afraid."

"Then, why are you crying like this?"

"Because he was there when you weren't," Shanessa paused, nibbling her bottom lip absentmindedly to which Eugene touched it involuntarily as if hinting her to cease doing it. "He was—is one of my best friends. Even though our friendship has been unsteady since last year's Christmas, hell, I think our friendship worked really off-beat considering the amount of time we ignored each other, but still, there's nothing worse than losing who you thought was your best friend."

Inhaling a breath, Eugene pushed aside the image of them kissing, them being a couple for the sake of innocence act and drew a smile on his lips. "Forgive him, it's not his fault he's finally attracted to you."

"You do realize that if I do that there's a possibility that I'm going to catch feelings again, don't you?" His fiancé joked.

"I told you, I don't mind."

"Eugene," Shanessa frowned, sitting up straight as she faced him incredulously. "Are you trying to say you gave up on me?"

"I know you might be a bit bored and weary of hearing this, a cliché and cringe sentence, but please, deal with it because that's how I express I truly adore you," Eugene remarked, his toothy-grin painted his lips. "You, Shanessa Jeann Woodley, will always be my first love— not like the first girl I liked or the one who took my breath away or the first kiss, but my very first strong feeling. I knew the moment we first met, bumped into each other and uttered out messy apologies, that my heart would belong to you, heck, you got the best of me. I will never regret loving you, even if we can't be together I will love you in this life and in another one."

Shanessa couldn't process all of his words, she didn't know what would happen next, but her heart was sufficiently shattered hearing them. Another fresh tear swamped her eyes, glistening under the dim light offset by the splendor of the starry night sky.

"I want you to be happy, and if it's not with me. . . that's fine, because you're the only person I have loved enough to put before myself. My family has its own portion if you're wondering, so don't worry." Eugene's thumb made its way to wipe her tear away, a stinging sentiment welled his heart as it was also painful for him to secrete out every word. "Seeing you happy, makes me happy, and that's what love is. . . right?"

By now, Shanessa was lying down again, hands were wrapped around his waist, a teary smile dangling on her lips. "You're too nice, Eugene, I'm afraid someone will take advantage of you one day."

Silence took over the aerial shortly, neither of them made a single sound, but they were still holding onto each other.

At the end of the night, one of them wanted to cry because the truth was, if he could be with anyone, it would still be her.

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𝚒𝚖𝚎𝚜𝚜𝚊𝚐𝚎.

Shanessa
I forgive you, Ben.
DELIVERED

Shanessa
I always will.
ERASED

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